1.  When I ask a question and people respond by asking how I don't already know.  I'll ask "How do you play Sudoku?" and the person answers: "YOUDON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU???"   No Captain Obvious, and I still don't know, thanks to helpful answers like yours.

2.  People who don't know the difference between irony and coincidence... it's so ironic (or coincidental?)

3.  When people point me in the direction of Google as a first-resort.  I'll ask, "Do you know (insert random question here)?"  and they say "Google it."  Then they compound the stupidity when they come over and show me how to use Google.  "See, Google's a very nice tool," they say.  Thanks for your condescending bullshit, assface.

4.  The fact that my dictionary doesn't recognize the word "assface".

5.  People who don't comprehend sarcasm.  Though I'm glad that you took it as a compliment, I was actually trying to tell you that you're a twatknuckle.

6.  Jay Leno.  Oh, how I hate him.  His jokes are so unfunny that they make me throw up in my mouth a little.

7.   People who say,  "They really need to write a book about my life." Whoever "they" is needs to be shanked if they publish a book about your life.  If you have to say they should write a book about you, your life is probably yawn worthy....and reading about it will give my eyes gonorrhea.

8.  The spooky non-Texas, Texas accent that Bush speaks with.

9.  When I ask for help and someone recommends the obvious answer. For example; I ask someone in Staples, "Why doesn't the copier work?" and they say "Oh, you just need to hit the copy button," like I'm remedial.  Of course I tried the copy button.  You think I'd be asking for your help if that worked?  What makes it even worse is when I say "I tried that..." and they say "Are you sure?"  Ugh; you low-expectation having motherfucker.

10.  People who drown a room in flowery aerosol sprays to make it smell better. News flash: those chemicals smell like industrial waste. I'd rather smell the dog crap on the carpet then the nerve agent you just poisoned my lungs with.

11.  OBX stickers. Overseas, this style sticker identifies where the vehicle is from. Like, we have "Rhode Island" or "Texas" on our plate, they would have "UK" on their sticker. Then it became a trend in America starting with people putting "UK" on their car, which turned into "IRE" (Ireland) and other countries, which turned into cities, which turned into highschools, which turned into "ACK" and "UGH", which turned into me shooting myself in the face because there is no way your car is registered in "DMB" (Dave Matthews Band). Idiots.

12.  Rhode Island cuisine. Stupid clam "chowda".

13.  Fondue sets. Swiss communal germs and molten cheese make for ass blockage plus disease. Ain't nothing fon about it. (pun)

14.  People who perpetually feel sorry for themselves and play the victim role.  How do they stand up so straight without a spine??? QUICK - somebody call a "Wahhhh - mbulance".