I will never cease to be amazed by the intimate questions people ask and expect answers for....

I've got a new method of dealing with the single most intrusive question people tendto ask.

Frankie (the love of my life) DESPISES my new method, but I think it's hysterical, so I won't budge. I will continue to use my new method until people stop violating my personal boundaries.

In the past,  whenever I ran into someone I'd lost touch with (and even more when it was a relative) I'd  get asked some variation of the same question; "HOW'S THE LOVE LIFE?".  Whether I've been single, dating, or in a committed relationship, that question never failed to make me feel like playing ostrich and shoving my head in the ground.

If I was in a relationship,  I always responded with, "Yes, I have a boyfriend.  His name is Ewan McGregor." (I've also used other gorgeous male specimens such as Johnny Depp, Heath Ledger, etc etc etc)  My sarcasm always seemed to be lost on these nosy individuals who typically followed up my obvious hint to mind their business with, "So when are you gonna settle down? When's he going to pop the question?  When are the kids coming along?"  This is irritating when fending off the questions alone but when  you  insert boyfriend into the equation, it's a pretty good recipe for making all parties infinitely uncomfortable and skittish. 

If I was simply dating (nothing serious), I would respond with, "Well, you know, I'm playing the field." This either provoked sympathetic looks like, "Poor girl can't get someone to commit" or somewhat disgusted looks like, "Man what a slut, can't commit to one guy."  Not only was I offended by the blatant judgment I underwent, I also began to question myself.  What am I doing with this guy? Is he my boyfriend? Do I want him to be my boyfriend? Why am I talking to myself right now?

If I was single I tended to do the head tilt thing and say, "Nope, I'm a spinster."  This was always strange to me because I felt as though I was apologizing for being single.  As if I'd somehow let them down. So to ease my guilt, I'd add something else sarcastic ("Sorry, I must have missed the boyfriend sale, but I'll be sure and pick one up for next time." ) But to add insult to injury, people gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry sweetie, you'll find the right guy someday." Did they think that was reassuring?

Now when I get asked "How's the love life?" I WRITE DOWN  my answer on a tiny piece of paper, fold it up and sheepishly hand it to the questioner:

"I'd answer you, but my throat is still too sore from last night to speak wink wink". That shuts them up.