Diane

I have grown alot over the last few days...I have realized that I have been on my guard and on the defensive and "reacting" to the world around me for an entire year...because I HAD to...divorce, custody battle, son getting arrested...all I could do WAS react...Now that all of these things are over that I HAVE to react to....I was thinking today....what is the OPPOSITE of react?  A friend told me it was ACT!!!!   To act is to be in control....WOW!  I'm am still processing this realization....that after 3 years of total (pardon the expression), but "balls to the wall"...I can finally relax, have fun...just ACT...without HAVING to REACT!  I am feeling like this is the first time EVER in my life that I have COMPLETE CONTROL OVER ME!!  Why is that so freakin scary, but happy....panicky yet exhillirating...hard to actually relax and enjoy life....I will get there...it will just take time....I am wondering if after recovering from 3 years of total stress........am I now experiencing some sort of Post Tramatic Stress?  I feel safest when I am at home in my apartment...it is the only place in the last 3 years and the only place in a long time that I feel totally safe........thoughts please???