Depersonalized, Depressed, and functioning!

Not too hot out here in the Northeast today. Sorry to all of you who live in the Danger Zone of the Midwest and the South - mea culpa, as us Catholics say...

Anyway, having another zombie-likeday. I suppose it's better than being in a flat-out DP/Depressed/Panic-ridden state, but it isn't ideal. I have emotions, but I still feel pretty numb - albeit, half in the world, which is better than I was!

I have finally gotten to the point that I know one of my DP triggers is the fact that I never delt with the death of my grandmother. I called her "Nana". You see, I grew up with her with me, 24/7. I grew up in the house my mom grew up in; as a matter of fact, I'm there right now! My mother has lived in the same house for 63 years...unbelievable! Who does that anymore?! Pretty amazing...

Anyway, my Nan was pretty important to me. She raised me (and my brother) along side my parents; she was my mom's mom - a strong woman, domineering, larger than life - someone that would tell you where you stood with her and where you should go (or where you should stick it...). But she loved all of us fiercely; like a lioness; and I was her only granddaughter - and the oldest grandchild.

I spent today going through old family photos, compiling a Shutterfly book of pictures of my grandparents and extended family of great aunts and uncles from my mother's side, all people who have meant so very much to me throughout my life. I just feel that it's time - after 27 years - for me to move away from the loss of my nana and onto celebrating her life :) She would be pretty mad at me (and probably is!) if she knew I had never really dealt well with her not being here physically...she would be yelling at me! :)

In any event, I wanted to have a book of my own with pictures of her and my Pipere (my grandfather, whom I never met, as he died 5 days after my mom & dad got married...) to keep at my own home :) Now I will always have them with me :)

Back to the Zoloft switch -

I'm pretty numb. I feel like I just got out of bed - ALL DAY LONG. It is pretty annoying. However, I'm can't be certain that it's the Zoloft; I have a feeling it's more that I'm coming off of Paxil. I'm down to 10mg - in 2 weeks, I've gone from 40mg - to 20mg - to 10mg. The doc wants me to go off of it completely on Monday, but...I'm thinking that I might do 5mg for a week, just to be on the safe side.

I keep getting zapping headaches, which is pretty annoying, especially when I'm reading or driving. I'm also so stinkin' tired, I can't stand it! I hope that goes away soon!

Otherwise, I'm keeping things under control for the time being; still not 100% by any means, but definately functioning at about 65%, which is much better than where I was 3 weeks ago!

:)