|Feb 26 2010|
I don't even know where to begin. Last time I talked to Ryan it was 10pm last night and he said he was in Texas. I was getting so worried that I figured out his password to his voicemail to see if his work had called him. I wanted to know if he was just ignoring me. He had a message left from someone at like 6am saying he will need a lawyer or an American council.
I know he went to Mexico and now I can't control my thoughts. Is he ok? Is he hurt? Are they treating him ok? What happened? What did he do? Is he alone? Is he scared? I want to fly to him right now and save him.
I am so sick to my stomach. I have been nothing but a bitch to the man I love more then anything. If I lose him I am done. I can not face this world any more without him on my side. I don't deserve him though. He has been nothing but amazing to me and I treat him like shit. I am so sorry. I want to tell him I am sorry and that I can be better. I will do whatever it takes. I am praying over and over and over again that he is ok.
I called his parents to see if they know anything more but no answer. I left a message. They hate me and I don't blame them. I am such a mess right now and I deserve it. I have been an evil monster to such an angel and I am so sorry. I pray that last night was not our last conversation.
Just give me one more chance to be better to him God. Please let him be safe and be ok.
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