|Mar 09 2010|
So over the weekend I was vicious towards Ryan. I said some of the worst things I could think of to try to hurt his feelings. I cut him down and I degraded him. I chewed him up and spit him out hopinghe would want to leave me alone. My goal was to tear him apart so much he never wanted to talk to me again. (I am not stable right now so my thinking is a little messed up). After I said all I had to say and I thought he was done he sent me one simple text that said "You are stuck with me for life so deal with it"
I instantly smiled. It was good to know that no matter what he will always be there for me. I regret the things I said to him. I feel bad for hurting his feelings. Saying sorry does nothing but I did apologize. My reality is very obscured due to not being on medication. This new medicine has helped me see the error of my ways a little bit.
We rescheduled when he would come out since this tournament he has is very important and I do want to support him in his passions. I love him and I am thankful that he will put up with me. I feel so evil and horrible sometimes.
Today I am feeling positive. Positive that this new medicine will help get me to my happy place. Positive life will work itself out for the better. And positive that I have been blessed with someone special!
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