I'm still here for you |
Oct 04 2010 |
That's what I told my wife last night. Anyone who has been following the saga of of my marriage knows that it's been a very interesting few weeks but I'm really beginning to question wetherwifey knows herself any more.
I talked with her GF over the weekend and we both see that wifey is very conflicted and it's beginning to raise new concerns with me. I finally caved in and gave her what she has claimed to want for soo long. We have the open arrangement and ever since then I've been sleeping but it seems like her anxiety levels are way up.
I've either caught her crying or seen the evidence of it after the fact on 4 occasions in the last 3 weeks, more than she had in the last 3 months. I approach her and she gives me the I don't want to talk about it, it's nothing, I had a bad day, I'm stressed about money lines. I don't buy it anymore. We had money issues before all of this so forget that one. She used to at least talk to me a little bit but now she has completely shut down towards me and at times acts like a jealous GF towards me. I really think she is seriously regretting the whole arrangement and at the same time feels an overwhelming guilt because of her own actions and feelings. I wish I could get her to open up to me again but for now she has that door closed, locked and with a chair propped up against it.
I do still love my wife, very much but I'm not going to let her drag me back down. I care deeply for her and I just want her to lean on me, I'm here for her and will be.
She's Back, am I supposed to be happy
Trust
Time off for good behavior
Crossroads
She is willing to try the therapist and she had expressed that she was thinking about going back to her therapist as well but not sure why she hasn't followed up on it for herself. For the couples stuff I had some free child care potentially lined up but that fell through so for us to go we would have to find some child care and right now I can barely afford to put gas in the cars and put food on the table so I have to figure something out about that. The babysitting I had lined up for both of us to go was someone I thought was a good friend to both of us but when Wifey was real down a week or so ago this person offered to be an ear and she got an abreviated version of what was going on and her response was "You need god". Since then relations have been very strained between her and my wife to the point where they don't talk anymore and when they are at the same place for the children they are polite but nothing more. It really makes me sad since this woman is the wife of the pastor of the church we went to and I thought a good friend to my wife but it appears she is a bit judgmental about our situation. I understand that our situation is a very wierd one but I had hoped she would suspend her judgement and be a friend to my wife.
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I think what is happening could really be the route to solving your problems one way or another (I could be wrong maybe nothing will change)
But that is what I would encourage at some point if you feel the door open to it is just say hey why don't we go talk about this with a professional.
No one is going to blame you for taking her up on her offer. It's what she said she wanted and she is doing the same so it's fair play.
So to get her to really open up (maybe as you say she just doesn't know what she wants and maybe it changes)but to do that in therapy could be a wonderful thing if she is willing to do it. Don't have any guilt to talk about this in front of a third party. You have done everything you can and you are doing something (if you ask me) to promote change in this relationship. I think that is all good.