Today, is a bad day. Then infection is back again because it hid deeper in the bone this time and the bone morrow is starting to change because of the long term infection.

I don't want anymore of the antibiotics that make you sooooo sick you believe you will die. I don't want any more meds that make me crazy in the head. I don't want anything else that makes my quality of life so very poor.

What in the world happened to living and feeling the summer sun when you walk out the front door? What in the world happend to the people in my life who said I will be there? What in the world happened to the faith my doctors once held for the possibility of my recovery and better health?

It will break my heart to have more people go away. I will break my heart to be so alone each day. I will break my heart just a little more, when I have to ask what is this medicine supposed to be for?

I don't want to fight this hard everyday. I don't want my friends that are left to go away. I don't want to be this sick and scarred. I don't want to run the temperatures that don't go away. I don't want to be so tired that I stand up and sway.

I want hope. . . I just can't find it today. I want to be with people. . . without thinking, will I give this to someone else today. I want to live, I really do. . . not with this diease, and definately not without you!