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countrymouse

Just another ordinary day....

More Med Anxiety...

Mar 05 2009

I am in a rough spot. I am 2 days away from losing all but one of my meds. Depakote. My anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety and sleep meds have been refused by the pharmicutical companies thatprovide them for me through a prescription assistance program. I will have no choice but to go off them as I have just lost my insurance and cannot afford to pay for them outright. I was refused by medicaid. I have left messages for my pdoc regarding the situation but have yet to hear back from her. I'm not sure what she could do anyway. Maybe some free samples for a while, but how long can that last?

I am afraid. I am afraid of who I was and who I may become once the meds have worked their way out of my system. I barely manage stability and control with their help. I am bp1.. and have experienced all the hell that goes with it. Paranoia, hallucinations, aggression, mania. Then there are the mixed episodes that leave me unbalanced and confused at the height of intensity. I am terrified of what's going to happen to me. I have posted this on the boards, but I needed to get this fear out of my system. I am looking for support, for someone to tell me it will all be alright, but I know that's impossible. How can it be? I remember what it was like before and it was anything but alright. I hate to admit it but I am a mess without my medication.. a disaster

Previous diary posts by countrymouse:

feeling wrong...
Inside my head...
I wonder...
My head hurts

just an ordinary day...
testing...
My Daughter
Thanksgiving Day

Comments (3) Add Comment

written by justrembering, March 05, 2009

hopefully you will be able to sort things out. I hope that if you do have to go off your meds that you are able to do so safely and that the outcomes aren't as bad as they might look. You might be ok without the meds. I know how scary it can be and I wish you luck in all your research.

written by ladyrb, March 05, 2009

Keep calling your dr. they can keep you on samples for as long as you need to be. I hope you find all the help you need.

written by uppitywoman, March 05, 2009

I am so sorry. I would also ask your pdoc what other means are out there to get your medications. She might know of other sources. I know that Canadian Rx's are cheaper. Don't give up.