|Mar 05 2009|
I am afraid. I am afraid of who I was and who I may become once the meds have worked their way out of my system. I barely manage stability and control with their help. I am bp1.. and have experienced all the hell that goes with it. Paranoia, hallucinations, aggression, mania. Then there are the mixed episodes that leave me unbalanced and confused at the height of intensity. I am terrified of what's going to happen to me. I have posted this on the boards, but I needed to get this fear out of my system. I am looking for support, for someone to tell me it will all be alright, but I know that's impossible. How can it be? I remember what it was like before and it was anything but alright. I hate to admit it but I am a mess without my medication.. a disaster
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Why does everything have to be so damned hard?
what I've dealt with so far...
It all came flooding back!
All over the place