countrymouse

I'm feeling good today.  Such a far cry from where I've been for what seems like an eternity.  I actually slept last night, had pleasant dreams and a quiet calm came overme today.  I saw my daughter yesterday and she is my world.    

I think the stillness in me has a lot to do with my daughter.  She came yesterday, it's been over a month since I've seen her.  She's always had that effect on me.  In many ways we grew up together, us against the world.  Making our way with little help from anyone.  It was for her that I stayed strong, for her that I fought my demons with every ounce of my being. 

I wasn't always successful in fighting the insanity.  I struggled when she was growing up.  There were many times when I made mistakes, did the wrong thing.. I kept those mistakes from her, isolated her from the madness somehow.  I had a strength and clarity that is seems gone from me now and a sense of purpose that no longer exists.  She is grown.  A wonderful, responsible, well adjusted young woman with a life of her own and the whole world in front of her.  I am so proud.

So now when I see her, I am reminded of what is possible for me.  What I can do in my finest moments.. I see my greatest accomplishment and I have faith.  I think that sometimes we just need to know that we are alright, even though we're broken...