Hungry tired and depressed |
Dec 28 2008 |
Well, I'm hungry but can't be bothered eating. I have been researching bi-polar like crazy online the past few days. I need to do something; I have been depressed for 12 months. Depression is no fun. We all want to be happy. I do, don't you? Tiny, little things have been bugging me for months. I have been wondering if there is a god of small things that I could pray to. I pray every day not to drink or use drugs, but I have little faith that this depression will pass and I will be back on top of things again. I was meant to visit my kids who live in the north of England at christmas, but fear stopped me making the trip and I feel very guilty about it.
I am doing little with my music at the moment and nothing with my art. I know it would do me good mentally to do some drawing or painting, but I keep saying to myself that anything that I would do wouldn't be any good. I feel stuck with my art.
I think I will go to bed soon. I have started on lamotrigine, and I have some hope that it will lift my depression in the new year.
Good night all.
I am a musician too. Who cares if the music or art you produce right now isn't up to your standards. At least you have an outlet to let some of the shit go. So, let it go.
Besides, some of the best music and art have been produced by musicians and artists in their lowest times. Have you ever listened to Clapton's "Tears in Heaven". An absolutely amazing song about the most tragic thing that could happen to anyone.
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