follow along as i try to kick a multi-year addiction to painkillers and alcohol and take other steps to sort my life out. perhaps hilarity will ensue on the road to success http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:18:18 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess/2-weeks i don&#39;t know how i&#39;m doing now....mostly, i&#39;ve done really well, but then this weekend i slipped and now i feel worse.&nbsp; and my finances being a mess doesn&#39;t help...and not gettingenough hours at work....and friend drama here and there....right now i feel like this is all pointless.&nbsp; i know tomorrow will be better.&nbsp; it has to be.&nbsp; right now, i just don&#39;t know though. &nbsp; spacemonkey http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess/i-want-48230 busy at work, but it&#39;s starting to get to me so i thought i&#39;d write.&nbsp; i only had half a pill this morning and i don&#39;t have anymore and i really really want one right now.&nbsp; not forpain, really, but just to have that bit of extra chill here at work.&nbsp; i think i&#39;m glad i don&#39;t have any or any way to get any right now because i need to be able to do this, but it sucks right now.&nbsp; gotta get back to work.....think good thought for me. spacemonkey http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess/busy-busyand-slipping <p>well, this is gonna be short cuz i have a ton of studying to do for a test this week. &nbsp;i&#39;ve been off work for the past 2 days and still busy (homework, housework, cooking, shopping, etc...). &nbsp;i drank more wine than i planned last night-it was the first time i&#39;ve seen my roommate in a week and we drink together. &nbsp;i need to learn to not be influenced by him or our routine. &nbsp;tonight i&#39;m doing ok. &nbsp;still haven&#39;t bought liquor since i ran out a week ago, so [...] spacemonkey http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess/day-4and-the-challenges-mount <p>(i think it&#39;s day 4....wed-sat? &nbsp;yep) &nbsp;last night i did well to not go out with the cast cuz i would have drank and then drove (and spent money i don&#39;t have). &nbsp;instead i camehome and had 2 glasses of wine and smoked about 4 cigarettes. &nbsp;not great, but not bad. &nbsp;i was very excited from a good opening night and it being friday but i showed restraint. &nbsp;today i had pills with me since i picked them up on my way to work and i took one when i didn&#39;t TRULY n [...] spacemonkey http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/cleaning-up-my-mess/day-3so-far-so-good so i felt better after finding this site and posting a hello and rambling about my current problems, and i took that momentum and have done well for another 30 hours or so.&nbsp; the plan is to keep to2 painkillers a day to keep the withdrawls away and then wean off of that.&nbsp; so far, i&#39;ve been able to do that for 3 days.&nbsp; and today was a test-i did a job that usually causes me great pain without taking more percocet.&nbsp; and last night, when i got home from a 15-hour day at work, [...] spacemonkey