cleaning up my mess?

i don't know how i'm doing now....mostly, i've done really well, but then this weekend i slipped and now i feel worse.  and my finances being a mess doesn't help...and not gettingenough hours at work....and friend drama here and there....right now i feel like this is all pointless.  i know tomorrow will be better.  it has to be.  right now, i just don't know...

busy at work, but it's starting to get to me so i thought i'd write.  i only had half a pill this morning and i don't have anymore and i really really want one right now.  not forpain, really, but just to have that bit of extra chill here at work.  i think i'm glad i don't have any or any way to get any right now because i need to be able to do this, but it sucks...

well, this is gonna be short cuz i have a ton of studying to do for a test this week.  i've been off work for the past 2 days and still busy (homework, housework, cooking, shopping, etc...).  i drank more wine than i planned last night-it was the first time i've seen my roommate in a week and we drink together.  i need to learn to not be influenced by him or our routine....

(i think it's day 4....wed-sat?  yep)  last night i did well to not go out with the cast cuz i would have drank and then drove (and spent money i don't have).  instead i camehome and had 2 glasses of wine and smoked about 4 cigarettes.  not great, but not bad.  i was very excited from a good opening night and it being friday but i showed restraint.  today i...

so i felt better after finding this site and posting a hello and rambling about my current problems, and i took that momentum and have done well for another 30 hours or so.  the plan is to keep to2 painkillers a day to keep the withdrawls away and then wean off of that.  so far, i've been able to do that for 3 days.  and today was a test-i did a job that usually causes me great...