Chasing recovery as hard as used to chase my drug

There has been a bit of confusion about what Recovery is versus being clean of substancesfrom our bodies! Both are very important but they are not interchangeable & have vast differences. I know that in my personal experience I believed that I was in recovery wayyyyyyyy sooner than I actually was. Here is the breakdown the way I see it! I will break it down into a few distinct stages , this is not written in stone but is my opinion! Do with it what you will!

1. The detox stage: This is the very beginning of our journey! Something has finally happened to either force our hand or we have had enough & truly desire a different life. We go through a period of detox, both physical & emotional in nature. WE STOP PUTTING SUBSTANCES INTO OUR BODIES!  This stage is extremely important for without it we dont have a shot at ever getting to Recovery! This means we cannot pick up anything ... not a pipe if we are alcoholic or a beer if we are a meth addict, it is the totally cleansing of our bodies. This takes a while, though the actual substance can be physically cleared from our bodies in days or weeks, the effects of such can take months to " Clear the Mental Fog" We have been burying & numbing  our emotional responses for so long that it takes a month or two sometimes longer to start truly thinking clearly.

2. The remodeling stage: This is the stage where our lives are "Under Construction". Gone are the substances, We are seeing a little clearer , feeling a ton , & as we look around us at the wreckage & demolition our Addiction & the choices we made during this time created in our own world & the worlds of others we have no choice but to seek ways to make serious changes! This stage is extremely important in the steps toward recovery! It can also be called a ME stage. I have to dig deep, get honest, get active in working on ME!!This reconstruction of our lives can take some time , Most of us did not use for a short blip in our life, but years! We were destructive to ourselves & to others for a long period, We thus cannot expect this stage to be a short one. It is imperative that we give it our all, we have to change nearly everything we know in our lives, not just the immediate things such as our friends, our activities but EVERYTHING! WE HAVE TO CHANGE OUR THINKING, OUR ACTIONS, OUR REACTIONS! Looking back on my journey, I thought I was IN RECOVERY WAYYYYYYYYY SOONER THAN I ACTUALLY WAS!  In the first year I worked hard, made lots of changes , started the path to repairing some of the damage I created by my actions yet I still was not quite there! What else is there? The transition to the next stage can only be achieved with constant vigilance. constant A-C-T-I-O-N!

3. RECOVERY: We have worked our asses off, fallen on our butts a few times in the process but picked ourselves up & soldiered on, we are thinking, we are feeling, we are active in our quest for recovery! BUT ADDITIONALLY OUR SCOPE ....OUR FOCUS PER SE IS BROADENING! THIS IS THE WE STAGE!!! No longer is it only about us! It is about others as well. In order to be fully in recovery we must touch the world with hope, with positive actions, we must give back to the world that for so long we only took from. We must do this not just for our immediate surroundings but in every area of our lives. If we are good to the people in our families, to ourselves but still assholes to soceity have we reached RECOVERY? I MUST SHOUT AN EMPHATIC HELL NO! Recovery is reached when we do the next right thing regardless of who is watching! It is reached when it is just as important to touch the lives of strangers in a positive way as we do for our families. It is a constant re-evaluation of ourselves, our actions, our contributions to all! Only then can say we have truly arrived! Yes it is a lot of work, & it is daily work but the gifts of recovery are so phenomenal! The feelings & blessings I searched for years in all the wrong places where inside of me all along!

4. Keeping it: Just because we get RECOVERY does not mean that we get to keep it. In order to keep it I have to do the work every freaking day! This is something that i will have to do for a lifetime! I must continually re-evaluate my actions, my thinking, my life ! I need to do this with vigilance, everyday! I have to get honest, get grateful, get accountable, get active everyday or risk compromising all that I have! I don't know about you but without my recovery I HAVE NOTHING! THATS RIGHT I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Without constant vigilance, old attitudes, old behaviors, the results of the past can be back in my life in a heartbeat! I would sooner die than be that person again! Does that mean life is roses? That we are perfect? Hell no! It means that we care enough about ourselves & others to continually try to be better, to live better! We care enough to be a constant work in Progress!

          As my Partner would say "Nuf Said! ~ N!KK! ~