|May 17 2010|
The definition I've been told of insanity is repeating the same things over and over and getting the same results...
This is what I have been doing all my life with relationships, with theopposite sex, girlfriends, family, etc..
Since I have been "taking care" of these people all my life I have no idea of what a healthy relationship is. I'm convinced many of mine STARTED that way, but eventually I became a "caretaker", put other's needs before mine, and became a doormat or a "dumping grounds".
I just realized that I've been obsessing and "analyzing" what went wrong with this "creep" I met in the psych ward that made him "flake" on me for several days in a row, dump his problems on me, and always making some excuse for cancelling his invites to the movies, to hang out, etc...Now I KNOW the only thing I did wrong was LET him take advantage of me. I KNOW I am a good person and I deserve good things. And I know I need to cut this thing off completely. No more text messages, no more late night calls, and no more calls from HIM when he is drunk and begging me to "take care of him".
So why the hell does cutting him off sound feel terrifying to me? I need to do it for my own piece of mind. Another thing I realized was that once I "latched" onto this guy, I've totally put the previousl guy out of my mind. So I'm worried that if I get the guts to cut this guy off, I'll find another man to "take care of" and repeat the same damn thing and I'm back to square one. I guess it's hard because for all my life I have LET people do this and it's a hard habit to break.
Oh and tomorrow I have an appt at the VA this creep works at and there is a VERY strong possibility that I might run right into his ass..Nice..
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