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May 12
2008

A Bit on Myself ( In Rough Draft Yet)

Posted by Enya4me in invisable diseasesHOPEfrustratedfibromyaligiafibromyalgiaFibrofatiguedisabilitydepressionCOPEchronic pain

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I have had Fibromylagia-FMS for 8  years (along with other things I hope to discuss at a later time), but only recently diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Immune Syndrome-CFIDS or CFS.

I hurtmy neck 8 years ago and went through all the standard testing. I(WE) who have FMS/CFS know that the standard test doctors perform are usually ok. I would like to share my MRI from 8/18/2000:

I have mild kyphosis of the cervical spine centered at C4-5 level with diffuse disk bulge at C4-5 which is slightly eccentric to the left. There is no significant central spinal or neural foraminal stenosis.

At C5-6 level, there is a more prominent diffuse disk bulge which is eccentric to the right with impression on the ventral aspect of the thecal sac and minimal distortion on the ventral aspect of the spinal cord. There is no intramedullary signal abnormality within the visualized cercical spinal cord. Bone marrow signal characteristics are normal for age. (* For Age* is a courious one to me since my body is acting 15-2o years older, studies have ben done with people who have fibro have more neuro endings or neuro transmitters in their spinal canal*)

My more recent MRI states about the same thing and the Spine Center tells me my disk are the same (I read the report and it does read about the same except now C-3 is also involved). Doctors still won't do anything for my neck and I continue to have a headache with different severety daily. I recently seen a headach specialist and he put me on topamax with hopes to help my daily headaches. After being on 100mg for about 5 mon and no success, I will be going off soon. I think topamax may have helped to stabalize my weight, so I hope my weight will at least maintain. Topamax made 17 different meds I am on....to many!

 My Chiropractor has looked at both my MRIs and has no doubt that my neck was due to an injury, and I now have bone spurs growing on each side of my neck which is the bodys natural way to protect itself. I have had a headache everyday for the last 8 years!I also have 3 other places in my back that has degenerative disk that gives me problems. I had a job at the time that was physically demanding (or was it the supervisor who didn't really like me). ( oh and by the way Workers comp took no responsibility-even in the payments of my medical tests!)

At the time of my accident I didn't understand what was happening to me. I was active young mother who now hurt. The doctor at the time told me I pulled the muscle that held my head up and to go home and lay down. Back then just getting to work and functioning was challenging. I couldn't do/enjoy the things I once did. I did manage to get out of the machine operator occupation since this was going to kill me, and I went into retail. This helped some. Everything always helps at first.

 As time went on I seem to be in a Fibro flare up everyday. I hurt, my muscles had bubbles that could be rubbed out only to come back within hours. My head hurt on top of everything else and it was coming from my neck. My doctor would give me some pain pills or whatever at times, but we have all been looked at by some one or another for wanting to be a druggie. Pain pills, muscle relaxants, sleep aids whatever the case. I have disk that push into my spinal canal and fibro and degenerative disk and my doctor still wants to be scarce on things. My biggest complaint was I wanted something for my headaches and my neck/back aches without making me tired because I had to work.

  I was  tired all the time. I would get up in the morning thinking of getting off of work to take a nap! My doctor just said it was the fibro. Flares I thought would come and go but not stay.  Co-workers thought I looked grumpy all the time when I was just concentrating so hard just to be able to accomplish my task at hand. I worked for at least 5 years this way, the whole time just geting more run down feeling hopeless...but determined as if it was all going to go away if I worked harder...acceptance is something I am still working on.

I worked my way up into the company to a postion that was less physically demanding. I worked in Vault/Bookkeeping area of a major retail store. I managed between $120,000 to $200,000 a day for deposit. ( I told you this for later on) I complained to my doctor that my "wake" hours of a day was decreasing.  When I got home there was nothing left. He had no answers for me, just said it was the fibro.

I found myself this last year slipping backwards.  My memory, cognative skills, getting confused, sleeping more, hurting more, fecal incontanance getting worse. I cried for help to the medical community with no success. I live close to a well known clinic yet they are conservative on their practices. I went to these speciality departments ( You may be able to see the humor)

  • The Spine Center
    • no change-I was told that "Some people have bulging disk and never even feel them"-I told that doctor he told me that same line 8 years previously and that "I wasn't other people" and "I did feel them" either pinching in my neck or constantly up my neck and causing me a headache on my left side.
      • He did send me down to get cortisone in my faucet joints with no success

 

  • Neurology
    • I had an MRI-was concerned for headaches and the fluid that would be in my ears when I would get up-all ok
    • Wasn't worried about my fecal incontance-"well I sure was"
    • I tried to discuss an issue but it was short lived:
      • people with Fibromylagia have more neuro transmitters or neuro endings or something especially in their spinal colom and the Neurologist cut me right off and told me that this has never been proven. Yes it has, but he was the expert, not I. (I thought this was a bit vain for such an important position at such an important clinic)(I also thought that maybe this was the reason why I was feeling these disk bulging into my spinal canal as compared to others)
    • Did send me to get memory testing done-this was very different and I thought for sure I failed-all ok
      • I was in school part time and my homework that would take me 4 hours was now taking me double the amount of time need .
      • I was getting confused on elevators of where I needed to go.
      • Driving  I would get confused where I was going, when I would figure it out I would make wrong turns to get out of the parking lot.
      • Always late for work, I am always late for everything anymore.
      • One morning I got up and was trying to get dressed and I didn't know what came first my pants or my shoes!
      • I was to start taking Vitamin B 12 shots, and  I needed to purchase needles. I was talking to the pharmist over the phone. I am going to do this  shot 2x a week for 3 months and I couldn't figure out how many I needed to purchase! I was about in tears. He told me how many and I couldn't figure it out! I use to count thousands of dollars daily with accuracy and now I cannot figure out this simple problem.

 

  • Neorology Surgeon
    • Told me he couldn't tell where to operate in my neck if a  muscle, tendon, nerve, ligament was my problem, so leave alone keep on meds ( I don't want to be on 17 meds, I am starting to get confused doing my weekly meds) I didn't have to do all these meds before I hurt my neck, before I got fibromylagia! Frustrating. Now I do have 1 surgeons opinion though.

 

  • Gastroenterology
    • Had me do balloon holding to test my strength of my abdominal floor muscles-are ok
      •  my fecal incontinence-to quit drinking pop..why didn't I think of this..I did for over a month all caffeine and all artificial sweetners....no luck

 

  • ENT
    • Chronic sinus infections and problems with my and teeth with my ears feeling like they were going to blow out- mostly my left side as if it was swimmers ear with headaches and I have had this for 8 years since the accident! The only thing new is the severity of the pressure in my ears and now the wetness in my ears
    • Ordered a CAT scan since I haden't had one  in 3-4 years-all ok
      •   The fluid drainage from my ears is probably caused     from my headaches. This one sounded to crazy to me!  The Pressure who the """ knows.

 

  • Vascular Lab
    • I thought I was going to have my upper extremeties done and when I got there my lower extremeties got hooked up. The tech even called my doctor to make sure he didn't want the upper half done as well since I was there and my primary said no.
      • This wouldn't be the first time showing up for test where they only "half' tested an area that could have been tested the full area so I didn't have to come back another time a couple months down the road.
      • I remember being with my primary care and asking to have my neck checked out. My chiropractor thought I could have (theourasic outlet-sorry about the spelling) and my mother had had a stroke. (My chiropractor had even sent a letter to the Spine Center in regards to this and asked Dr " "' to get back with me, but he never did) My primary care said there was steps and channels to take first. If he just sent me there for my neck and he quit speaking. He set up the appointment for the vascular study-my lower half only come to find out!

 

  • Memory Testing
    • My cognative skills were declining and it was more than just for getting where you parked your car. I was actually getting confussed doing things, understanding things. This test was very different. I thought for sure I wasn't doing very well and was getting nervous since I couldn't get the lady to smile at all. This test came back as I am ok too-good thing to know, but I am not ok and something is going on in me and I need help and no one seems to be able to help me....

 

  • Womens Health
    • Early Menoupause started at 32, done at 42
    • They suggested to go on the HRT patch instead of a pill. Talked with me about several issues and sent me to do a breast exam on my left side only-everything ok.
    • Cancer Genetics-since it ran in the family but my chances are not that high of a percentage.

 

  • Physical Therapy
    • I was late and he was arrogant and actually told me there was nothing more he could do for me. If Doctor (the referring doctor) would have looked at doctors (the spine center doctor) notes. I felt this was a arrogant comment since I haven't been to a physical therapist since my accident 7-8 years previously. I had been followed up in the Spine Center all this time and I do wonder what the Spine Center notes say and should obtain them.  After talking with this therapist for a while he and I did decide he could show me some new exercises to do.  I was using my neck muscles incorrectly. He told me that it wasn't uncommon after an injury to learn to use your muscles differently/incorrectly to compensate for an injury.

 

  • Others As well

I am sure many of you with any "invisible disease" can appreciate the above doctor vistis that got me no where after spending thousands of dollars. I know I wasn't ok, so I made a decesion to go out of state for help to the Fibromylagia  and Fatigue Centers FFC http://www.fibroandfatigue.com/ I am not working and my funds are running low, so I hope to continue with this. I did my research and this is where I want to be.

I have frustration at the doctors that I have seen for 22 years yet I can see humor in it as well. I got scared not knowing where to turn to and made the decesion to go to the Fibro and Fatigue Center FFC myself with the suport of my doctor as well. As he said, I have had not much help with the medical community-it is a "treatment center" for FMS/CFIDS. He said the success rate at a cancer center is greater so maybe this center will be greater for fibro.

 I know I said this but I wanted to say it again. When I was falling a sleep waiting for the doctor to come in to see me and complaining about this makes me know now about CFIDS.

This is what has my interest and passion for learning. CFS is another chronic illness doctors have a hard time diagnosing. The Center for Disease Control  http://cdc.gov/cfs/ has several interesting topics and doctors can go there and obtain college credits for learning about CFS and how to diagnose. Left untreated CFS can cause other medical problems.

 I was diagnosed with CFIDS by the FFC center. Through my blood work at the center, this is my weakest point.

My passion is to learn about Autoimmune diseaese as well

American Autoimmune is something I recently I stumbled across. My mothers sister, My Aunt Sandi has MS and Lupas which are autoimmune diseases. I love her so much and wish she wasn't going through what she is. I have Fibromylagia, Chronic Fatigue, Raynauds, Allergis Rhinitis which both are autoimmune diseases. Autoimmune  Thyroid Disease is interesting since the FFC center just put me on thyroid medicine and Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease is also interesting since I have such problems with my ears and mostly my left one.

http://www.aarda.org/

They will tell you that Fibromylagia and Chronic Fatigue is not a autoimmune disease, but is on the list because people with FMS/CFS have underlying autimmune problems.



Feb 29
2008

Last day of February

Posted by NurseSandi in personal diaryinvisable diseasesfibromyalgiachronic pain

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The past week has been bad.  The stress of my father in law being hospitalized and weather changes have caused a severe flare and I've been in bed this week.  The Cymbalta and Ultracet haveworked so well until the last couple of months.  I don't know if it's just the winter months causing the loss of effectiveness, or just time for another med change.
Feb 18
2008

Bi-Polar, the Sculpture

Posted by uswalker in perswonal diarypersonal experiencespersonal experiencepersonal diarypeople helping peoplepanic disorderpanic attacksonline support groupsmy progressMy mood todaymy diarymy daily moodmood swingsmedicationlouie rochon bloglouie rochoninvisable diseaseshelp peopledepressionbipolar disorderbipolar 2bipolarbi-polarbi polar 2 depressionawarenessanxiety attacksanxietyanorexic

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I never did share my art with my new friends ... think you might like the piece entitled "Bi-Polar."  You may see a lot of my personality in my work as well as my disease.  Enjoy. 

Louie  http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/

Feb 12
2008

How to Get people to UNDERSTAND you look fine, but aren't--Invisable diseases

Posted by PamelaG in you look finemy diarylupusinvisable diseaseshelp peopleFibroexplainawareness

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We just want understood, not pity or sympathy, but no one REALLY understands.  How about sending them these articles?  It helps.  This diary is openfor any discussion.  Feel free to comment.

A Letter From the Land of Fibromyalgia to the World of Normals

I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia (FMS) after months of mysterious physical and emotional problems. Because you didn't know how sick I was, you may have thought of me as lazy, a malingerer, or simply ridiculous. If you have the time to read on, I would like to help you understand how different I am now from you.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA
1. FMS is not the newest fad disease. In fact, it isn't a disease at all, and it isn't even new. In 1815, a surgeon at the University of Edinburgh, William Balfour, described fibromyalgia. Over the years, it has been known as chronic rheumatism, myalgia and fibrositis. Unlike diseases, syndromes do not have a known cause, but they do have a specific set of signs and symptoms which, unfortunately for the patient, take place together. Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus are also syndromes.
2. The many physical and emotional problems associated with FMS are not psychological in origin. This is not an "all in your head" disorder.  (Note from me, this is basically what many of the specialists have been telling me and Darryl  since about April of this year 2007.  It got to the point that I felt Darryl thought so too, they were very convincing!!  And it makes you REALLY feel worthless, useless, helpless, etc.)  In 1987, the American Medical Association recognized FMS as a true physical illness and major cause of disability.
3. Syndromes strike life-long athletes as viciously as they do couch potatoes. They can be disabling and depressing, interfering with even the simplest activities of daily life.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME
1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.
2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.
3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.
4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.
5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.   And this is SOOOOO true.  Things I may have been used to, or coped with before, today, I simply can not stand.  Certain noises, smells, etc, just as the article says, drive me to a state of desperation to get away, as far away as possible.
6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire.  Me, I don't simply perspire, I sweat BUCKETS, I look like I just stepped out of the shower, dripping all over.   Both are equally and utterly embarrassing even around close family and friends, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.
7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.
8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.
9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appestat is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix itAnd that is incredibly frustrating.  You change your diet, you try all the things the Dr says, and on your next visit, your weight goes up, and in my situation, you lose more height.  I just found out I lost another 1/2 inch!!
10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.
11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.
12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.
I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.
The following is used with permission, please visit her site for more info:

The Spoon Theory

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don't try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can't explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said "Here you go, you have Lupus". She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn't have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a "loss" of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn't understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many "spoons" you are starting with. It doesn't guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I've wanted more "spoons" for years and haven't found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

 

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don't just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn't sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don't, you can't take your medicine, and if you don't take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn't even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn't want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn't even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your "spoons" are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow's "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn't want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn't have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn't even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can't do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn't want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly "Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?" I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can't forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, "I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared"

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said "Don't worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don't have room for wasted time, or wasted "spoons" and I chose to spend this time with you."

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn't just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don't take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".

© 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com

Please note that this story is copyrighted and should not be reprinted in any form without permission from th