I am depressed, hopeless, feeling suicidal, abandoned, friendless.

Lost. 

Well it's tax day here and I'm glad my stimulus return is submitted.  So many don't know about submitting them! 

It's been exactly 10 days since dad's stroke.  It has been quite the week.  Hospital visits, coming home, alot of chores to do, dad care, mom care, my own care!

People somehow are under the impression if you are disabled, you are lazy and sit on your butt all day doing nothing except watching tv!  It's disgusting how they stereotype the disabled.  Not to mention lymphedema patients being called "fat".  I get so mad at that.

Some days I feel I do more here at home than I ever did at work.  It takes twice as long when you don't feel good to start.  I started my day today with a touch of bad food bug and vomiting.  I had a terrible toothache, not sure which tooth it is, DDS xrayed both of them can't tell.  So here I sit in pain with the tooth, the jaw the usual, killing me, headache up the wazoo, swollen up the wazoo with a household of elderly parents, dad with the stroke and deaf (98% deaf) and he can't talk properly he slurs and gibberish, then mom is blind, diabetic.  I had to get groceries today, pay bills, transport a friends kid to and from work, take back a few things to Walmart for mom, get gas, get to the bank to order new checks, then I had my chiropractor.  I came home beat to find them arguing about some petty thing, had to get dinner going, feed the cats, do litter duty and put house trash out, then it was dishes, laundry, and here I am and it's 10:07.   I cannot imagine doing this and working too.  Working 2 jobs was alot easier!  My problem with working is I am not reliable I'm semi-ok one day and flat the next.  I have to put so much care into the lymphedema all the time to stay mobile.  I work 5 times a day on myself.  That's at least 5 hours there.

I also helped a friend with her bookwork on her bills in the morning too.   I was so tempted to go back to bed today and forget all of it.  I'm going to bed very shortly after a fast bath.  The car was so hot today but didn't have much gas to turn on AC.  I got gas last on the way home.