Exams start tomorrow.  I'm really not ready for them.  Usually i been studying forever for them already, but this time I just couldn't.  I don't know how many times I tried, but I just can't focus enough to get anything done.  Don't know how I'm going to manage to write my math exam tomorrow. 

And I'm so tired too.  Been looking for apartments for the past 2 days, now we're just waiting for approval for the one and we're done that. That'll be good, one less thing to stress about.  (Though I'm extremely burnt now from walking around in the sun for so long).  

I found a summer job though, that's a good thing.  I start pretty much the day after I get back from holidays, which means I have to move as soon as I get back from holidays too.  That'll be fun 8(

Just a bit stressed right now with everything that has to be done in the next week.   Don't know how I'm going to get it all done.  

Still really wanting to cut as well, though I know it won't help me at all.  It'll just make me have one more thing to think about and hate myself over, but the urge is still so strong.  As of tomorrow it'll be 2 months since I last cut.  I want to keep that, but I'm scared that I'm going to end up cutting eventually anyways, and the longer I wait the worse it'll be when I do it again, and the worse I'll feel about it after, which will make me do even more.  Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't stopped at all.  Maybe it would have been better if I had ended my life.  

I don't know, just not having a very good night.  Especially with all this stress happening on top of everything else.  I just don't know what I'm going to do.  But I want to cut so bad . . . . . 

Still here.  Don't really know why most days, but I'm fighting through this.  I'll make it through, if I don't collapse from complete exhaustion first.  I have so much todo for school still, and only a week left to do it all.  A bit overwhelming at times (ok, all the time, I'm really not good at dealing with stress).  Sort of freaking out a lot about my English seminar that I have left to do too.  Have to do it, but don't know how I'm going to force myself to do that one.  .  .   I don't think I've had a second to breathe all weekend.  Got to keep going, need to keep fighting, I WILL get through this, someday (I hope . . . )

I HATE LIFE!!!  I hate it all!  I'm sick of it and just want it all to end.  Don't want to be here anymore.  Tired of it all.  Just want it all to go away.  

Stressed about school, frustrated with my stupid ex, really just not liking life.  

I'm so exhausted I don't even know how to fight it anymore.  Don't want to fight it anymore.  Just want it to be over. 

 I HATE IT!!!

So, still in a lot of pain.  And these stupid stitches are driving me crazy.  I hate my teeth, and they're not even there.  I'm so bored out of mind my having to sit at homeall day.  I'd do stuff if it didn't hurt so much, but all I have to do is watch movies, and these stupid painkillers make me so tired.  

Ex hasn't been bothering me too much today, mainly because he had to go to school, but that's a good thing.   

 Well, other than that, I'm pretty much hating life.  I've been really having a bad time these past 2 weeks, and not being able to talk to my counselor hasn't helped at all.  Going to see her on Wednesday again, but that's a long time away.  Why is it so hard for me to deal with my life on my own?  Why do I want to cut so badly?  Why can't I just get better?  I hate all these questions, and I just don't know what to do.   Was hoping writing here and trying to get some of the thoughts out would help, but I just don't know what to say, and it really doesn't seem to be helping me yet.  If only I could turn my brain off when I didn't want to think anymore . . . it'd be so much easier, but it doesn't work that way, which means I'm still thinking.  I hate life,  hate these thoughts, hate myself for not being able to get out of it, I just hate it all.  I want this to end so badly, but don't know how.  I just want it all to go away . . . .

They are so delicious.