Well, I got four of my five prescriptions for fibromyalgia and migraines filled yesterday.  By the time we got home I was hurting so bad.  I was a little bummed too because my husband waslooking at wheel chairs for me.  I didn't cry in front of him because I know he means well.  I think it scares him when I can hardly walk through the grocery store.  I used to always walk way ahead of him because I have long legs.  Now I have to keep reminding him to slow down.

Anyhow, I was hurting so bad I thought I would start by trying the percocet --the generic version.  My doctor told me to take one along with four Advil or ibuprofen or whatever I take. 

I was a little afraid to take it because I didn't know how I would react to it.  I know the low-lifes around town sell percocet on the street so I almost feel scummy taking it.  Well, it isn't as great a pain killer as I had hoped. :(  To top it of, I couldn't sleep (worse than my usual inability to sleep).  This surprised me since it said that it may cause drowsiness.   

At nearly midnight my head was still pounding and my hip was screaming and I was ready to cry.  So I popped a couple Advil PM and finally went to sleep.

This morning I still hurt but I am always bad in the morning.  I don't know if I should try another or not.  I am pretty disappointed with it, but maybe it is one of those things that takes time. 

I'll wait a few days to start the other meds.  The doctor said not to start them all at once  in case of an allergic reaction.  What she actually said was "If your hair turns green and falls out we'll need to be able to determine which pill is the cause".  She is pretty funny. :)  I think I'm going to like her.

Some times I just don't know.

 I got frustrated this morning because I can't push through the pain, I became disappointed at myself because I seemingly took it out on Pam (life partner) who took it personally and then I became disappointed at her just because of how she reacted. I am totally aware of where my disappointment truly lies at the feet of my Mother.  It doesn't help me when I here "you do this all the time, alot" when I know that I am working as hard as I can to become aware of a pain flare. It becomes even more unhelpful when I have to tend to her feelings which I can make right at the time. She see the pain come on I can't stop that but to ask me to drug myself up and out is not right. Her feeling come at me to the point of me feeling like an abuser or being abusive. My awareness is clouded by the pain and the medicine.

 I know that what she sees me go through is not easy to witness.  I feel like I let her down  because I couldn't bite my tongue

 PLEASE tell me I'm not alone with such thoughts of not knowing what to do and how can I comfort her. Alls I can do is cry alone away from her. GOD What is this doing to her can someone tell me?