Okay, so, I have dealt with depression and mental illness for a long time. It took me years to come to terms that I could possibly even be mentally ill. I think it was because my mom would used to makecomments like "Your dad's whole family is crazy, I hope you never have a mental illness." It hurt because I think deep down inside, I always knew that there was a good chance there was mental illness. I just wanted my mom to accept me for me and not judge me based on something such as mental illness. Mental illness is looked at as being a crazy person or socially unacceptable, when in reality, it's treated the same way any physical illness is. You take pills and you go to a doctor, except our doctor is a shrink. I came to terms with it after reading an article in the college newspaper at the college I attend about mental illness (it was mental illness awareness month I believe and the person, who is now a great friend of mine, has bipolar) I have learned that yes, I may have this illness but I can still live and be normal. I have great friends that are helping me cope and I am meeting great people on this board who know what I am going through. That's something I would never be able to get from any shrink or therapist.

I am also the type to show so much love and compassion towards people that ironically, I push them away. Sure I do my share of yelling and screaming, we all do, but I am sure my mom would be quick to say I take the cake for that one. But, I would do anything for a friend or even someone I just met and I just want to be there for people, so much that I want to hang out with them constantly. I have been known to be "clingy"  and as long as I am battling my alcoholism, I might as well fight that too. I want to get to a point where I can be alone and be okay. Sometimes, when I finally feel I have reached that point my parents come back into the picture and always want me home. I am 21, I need to be independent. I know they love me but by doing that, they are doing more harm than good. So, I try and stay away from them (I am not doing it to be mean

So, I mentioned the alcohol. I am proud of myself. I am almost a whole week sober! It sounds small but for me, it's big! I can't wait for the day that I won't even have to think twice about refusing to have a drink or to not go into a restaurant and be curious about the types of alcohol drinks they have. But, I know, one day at a time.

I don't know what to make of this diagnosis. It's like my life has been turned upside down. I know it could be so much worse, but I still find myself asking, "why me?" Eating is no longersomething I look forward to, it's no longer fun or enjoyable. It's merely something I do to live now. Read my profile description. Any feedback is welcome. Thanks.