Why wear a ribbon?

"I have dealt with asthma for years" (AeriaWinters)

MDJunction to me

"When you have an illness with the name "Non-Familial Dysautonomia" (a name that most people, and even doctors, have never heard of), you need a network
of people who understand the name and the symptoms/issues that come with it.
MDJunction led me to that network of people during a very confusing and sickly time. For this I am thankful. And for this reason I try my best to give back to other members the same care and help that I received through MDJunction." (MissNikkiAnn)

more testimonials

Caged Chaos: Dancing Between Raindrops.

The inner ramblings of my chaotic and sometimes poetic mind.

Nothing

Mar 15 2012

I feel like I am nothing. I feel like there is nothing around me. I have no idea who I am and cannot even name a hobby that I practice anymore. The things that I once enjoyed and heldpleasure for me do not anymore and it seems like my life is filled with nothing but emptiness, loneliness, and nothing. I have no idea who I am or who I am supposed to be and that is something that I have struggled with for a very long time. It is like every day I feel like I shatter into a million pieces and that I am a million different people. But somehow, even when I pull all those pieces and all those people together, I still cannot form one complete person. I am always empty, there is always a hole and I have no idea how to fill it. I hate this, I hate life, I just want to feel a live. I want to feel normal, I want to feel happy, is that really so much to ask?

Previous diary posts by CagedChaos:

I Know I Need To Stop. (Trigger)

Lyrics That Speak To Me... X Amount Of Words.

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by yellowroze, March 16, 2012

i know how you feel chaos. unfortunately that's one of the worst parts of bpd. not having an identity. or having problems finding one at least. one of my biggest problems is that i use my boyfriend as part of my identity and when he's not here i'm totally empty... it's like he takes away who i am when he walks out the door.

*hugs* you're not alone, but we can fight this together!

written by wildseay, March 16, 2012

All I can say is wow. You ladies hit the nail right on the head. I've struggled with the same thing all my life. It's a mindbender. It makes me feel guilty, useless and needy, but at the same time, almost everyone seems to think I'm just fine or "great" all time. I pull off a great persona amd 90% of the time no one can tell. but what you ladies said was me in a nutshell. Thanks for the post