|Oct 16 2010|
Well, I finally got a bedroom set. I have a real bed, a place to put my clothes and a nightstand.
I feel like I'm not a gypsy quite so much anymore. I mean it still isn't my 3 story victorian house that I used to have. But I have a decent place to put my head at night and not wake up in a pretzel (Hopefully).
It think it's true. I haven't been accepting the permanence of my situation. When I heard my wife say that, I It started to sink in. She's done. It's really over. I have a hard time accepting that, but I must.
I know she's in the process of figuring out to initiate a divorce. She hasn't said that, but some things you just know. You feel it.
This is what she has to do. I respect that. I have to.
But I must steady myself. I am in the process of making myself accept the permanence of this.
Having a decent place to sleep makes a huge difference in me right now. I wasn't getting a bed, primarily because I didn't want to spend the money. Secondly, I was being masochistic. I was punishing myself. Also I think I was pitying myself. I was being a martyr. I don't like that. That's not how I want to be. Lastly, my wife was right, I wasn't accepting the permanence.
Somehow a place to put my head at night makes me feel real again. It makes me feel human.
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