|Feb 25 2011|
This year has been very hard for me, its one thing after another, I have heard it said that God only gives you as much as you can handle but this is getting to be too much.
The worst being mymothers sudden and unexpected death, she was 84 but was healthy and very active, She playe her accordian at the church and as dinner music at a Ukrainian resore near her place. She was not sick, I don't understand how her heart had just stopped. She has been very depressed because we are having a hard time selling her big house and all the land. My cousin has land next to us but will not let us use his land to get to our. This hurt my mother very much, because that is my fathers side of the family and they are very into family. Several days before she died she had an arguement w/ mu aunt over the land and became very depressed, this was on Feb 1st.
So going back yo January I had my place for sale mostly because my mother and sister were talking me into it. Well I got a bid on the house and was excited, felt that new year, new life, the 1st inspection got cancelled because of the heavy snow storm. I then went to social services to see if I can get help to pay for rent, I do not qualify and w/ my income I can not pay rent. Also there is a program Section 8 that helps pay for rent but there is a 3 yr waiting period, I might just put my name on the list. So I cancelled my 2nd inspection and said I was not selling. Then my bedroom ceiling and pantry ceiling were leaking, I had pots all over my bed and in the panrty. The pantry ceiling got this big bubble and all this water burst out, so now I have this big whole in my ceiling in the panrty, I am waiting for all the snow to melt to put in a insurance claim.
My bf is having medical problems and I am very worried because we all thought my mother had a routine appendectomy and she died,
There is alot of tension between my brother and sister over what mom left, the inheritance, he wants his 1/3, my mom left everything to my sister and she is to sell the property and divide whats left between us all, But no one wants to buy a house w/ 26 acres and pay high taxes for useless land, So now we have to get a surveyor and draw up a plan on dividing the house w/ 6 acres and then 20 acres, problem is getting to the 20 acres, so everyone is arguing on how to get to the twenty acres, since the house is in front of all the land, my cousin won't give us access in the back, so maybe we will go on side of the road but that is going up a very big hill w/ large giant boulders.
The the DSL modem for my internet connection broke and they could not deliver it because my driveway was not cleaned of snow. I has to wait several days before they came by.
We have had alot of snow and I leave my car at the bottom of the hill because can't afford to pay for plowing. Then one day my car wouldn't start, I called my bf for help w/ the battery charger I had and he didn't have time to walk me through it, so I called the mechanic that usually fixes my car. There was a plastic cover over the red plug on the battery, I do not know anything about cars, I didn't realize I had to remove it. My bf yelling at me that it was common sense, well not to me, I know how to check the oil and pump air in tires and that is all I know about cars.
Then another time I was leaving the house and locked the keys in the house, I had a spare hidden outside but it was under 7 ft of ice and snow, it took me over 2 hours to find it. I was in so much pain, my hands and my back.
Then I wrote too many checks. not enough money to cover, went about $50 over, I paid my property tax late, that's why I went over in my account. didn't have enough $$ to pay it all.
Then I have this thermostat that checks the temperature underground where my water pipes are so that it doesn't get too cold and crack, well it started beeping at 4am and I didn't know how to stop it, the code was 888 and the directions I had didn't show any 888. Finally I unpluged it and then pluged it in and the beeping stoped
Some of the smaller problems I colored my hair w/ Ash Blonde and it came out dark brown w/ grey highlights, it looked terrible. So colored it again to lite blonde and its more of a dark blonde but a nicer color. I dropped my coffee pot and broke the electric connection, thankfully my bf is great at fixing things. Then my son in law gave me a electric shovel for the snow and my bf game me a big extension cord that fell apart when I used it, I felt the electric current going through me, so he fixed that too. I lost the top of my sugar canister, where is it, I was just in the kitchen, I know this is a small thing but it seems these problems are never ending. Oh now the cap of my front tooth broke off and we are having another snow storm so can get to the dentist.
will this ever end
I might be going to Fl for a short vacation, I am scared to fly, now I feel like the plane will crash, waiting for the next thing to go wrong.
I am in more pain than usual, I can't believe my mother is dead, I keep telling my self but my heart won't listen,
I don't know how much more I can handle, I feel like I am at the end of my rope, even the small problems feel worse than they really are.
I had to release all this, I am just waiting for the next thing to go wrong, will it stop or will the whole year be a disaster. I can't handle anymore, I want to forget the past 2 months. How long can a person go through problems before they break and start drinking and drugging again, It would be so easy, just to go to lalala land and forget about life and all its pain and problems
26 years, another year went by
importance of your heatlth
Drugs and Alcohol destroyed life
I have to leave
The Deaths never end
Festival of Life
a new life
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