|Jul 03 2012|
Actually that is a lie. I have TONS of words tons of emotions tons of everything running through me and instead of blowing up the forum I will write it here. i have tons of things i want to get outof my head i just dont know where to start.. i could add details to the other posting.. im not sure who would care though..
So when i was about 2 my mom was raped for 6 hours while my dad was at work.. apparently i was in the bed with her while he was raping her he held a gun to my head. Not sure if mom ever sought help.. i dont think she did.. it was someone she knew shes not sure who though.. he was never caught and apparently stalked my mom and dad for years calling harassing saying horrible things even about me as i grew up.. until i was like 16.. dad said when i turned 16 the calls stopped.. weird.. i was always afraid of the dark.. and always had nightmares never understood why until a few years ago (actually when i was in 11th grade) and mom was having surgery and she explained this to me before the doctor asked her what meds she was on..
It was mothers day weekend 2011 a few weeks before my mom got a letter from someone in TX. I ALMOST kept the letter without telling her, instead i gave it to her..then on mothers day weekend some woman i have never heard of writes me telling me all these things about my family.. then explains I am your half sister we have the same dad.. my mind was blown uh WHAT? turns out my SD (sperm donor.. that i NEVER knew about) has other kids, turns out SD was physically, psychologically, emotionally abusive to my mother her mother and other wives before them. i confronted mom and dad.. turns out its true... dad adopted me when i was 7 months old and all SD had to say was you wont come after child support and she wont come looking for me.. dad never told me b/c he didnt want me to see him as not my dad.. i love my dad.. he was the one who raised me who supported me who had heartbreaks bc of me. anyway, its been a weird ride.. when i told my (ex) BF (the abuser/loser) he said wtf u need to yell at ur parents thats not cool i said i dont really see it as a big deal.. sd was a low life POS and mom and dad were protecting me.. who cares.. (maybe im messed up bc i didnt really feel betrayed..) then he went on to yell about how im selfish and making it all about me.. its been a weird ride with my half sister .. shes awesome.. my half brother is a stranger.. i dont like him..
tonight so as i said earlier J called asking for money. C (his ex wife) called to check on me.. shes a great woman.. she told me (as people on here have) to cut all ties with him.. i tried explaining to her that i cant she said she understood what i was going through b/c she went through it for a while before she got strong too. she said its for the best though.. i then told her what a great guy he was .. she reminded me of all the things he had done to me.. how ive called her at all hours of the night bawling about things hes done.. shes right she told me to not answer calls or texts.. literally 5 min after i got off the phone J texts me yelling about how i have a pic of my daughter and my (ex) best friend up claiming im stupid i need to take that shit down he goes on and on and on for a few msgs then i tell him fine i will take it down sorry i didnt mean to upset you .. then he goes on about how I messed up OUR relationship.. how hes gods gift to women and i am LUCKY hes even still talking to me as a friend.. and if in a few months after i have been punished/learned my lesson he MIGHT give me another chance but for now i fucked it up.. i sit there thinking wtf douchebag.. then he tells me he loves me and cant get me out of his head. and i bawl and say baby lets fix this.. then i hate myself for texting him that.. i want to go to bed but i know hes gonna call and if i miss teh call hes gonna bitch.. UGH i need help going NO CONTACT.. but i cannot change my number it costs 10$ and i have already done that .. why cant i be strong and tell him fuck of dick wad ?
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i have no words ...
I feel accomplished!! Go me :)