breathe in breathe out.

I've found that lately I've been getting tired at a "reasonable" hour and I'm actually able to get to sleep without medication, nothing has really changed though I'm still onthe same meds, I wonder why it is, oh well I dont really need to know for now to enjoy it, all I know is I'm in bed, I'm warm, and I'm going to sleep. :)...

I'm just laying here listening to Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz, nice peaceful music, I'm having one of those rare moments when I feel like I can just lay and rest, not so much sleep, just rest. I dont think I'm all that tired, I'm just enjoying laying here listening to music, and not really thinking, which is a rare thing, I'm not going to question it to much though, I'm...

it's been a funny day for my emotions but I feel peaceful and tired at the momet I think its a good chance to get some much needed sleep. I hope tomorrow is a beautiful day, positive thoughts mathew, positive thoughts. :)...

I cant help but feel that with how things have been lately that I'm just fucked beyond repair, one big fuck up, I'm not sure how it keeps happening, everything around me decays and rots away, I should wear a clown suit and be one of those crying clowns, it's funny how many people dont understand the complete complexity of that poor clown, what irony to be one who provides so much jo...

I am finding more and more beauty in the world around me with every passing day, things that go unnoticed to a lot of people, and things that I never noticed previously, yesterday there was a little girland her mum in at the train station and while I was waiting for my train, another train rocked up and a man got off the train carrying a suitcase, the little girl ran up and gave him a big kiss and...

Life has been going really well lately, I've been really happy, not manic but happy. I'm working out, eating properly, and on what seems to be the right balance of meds, for the first time in my life I feel completely stable.

 I also have a new gym partner, a friend of mine has told me that she wants to start going to the gym and tone up more. Which is fine by me cause it wi...

For a long time I let my bipolar determine who I was and how I acted, I thought of myself as being broken, a thought that even up until recently had stuck in my mind. I would look at people and see howcare free they seemed and not have to worry about carrying this little demon around with them. I realise thats not the case though, everyone has their own little demons, and while mine is my bipolar...

I had a personal trainer with me for my session today, he gave me a good workout routine to go through towork on some of my goals that I want to achieve. but he also really pushed me and motivated me to work harder, I haven't had a training session that has left me that drained since I first started my martial arts. I know that I will be sore tomorrow when I wake up and for the next few traini...

I'm off to the gym again today, I'm really enjoying it, it's giving me a great reason to get up on the days that I don't already have stuff to do, I think it's having a sense of purposethat is helping me, setting my goals and working towards them, speaking of achievements, I got an my first assignment back for some studies I am doing, and got 90% for it so I was rather pleased...

so I had my first training session yesterday, it feels good to be working out again, I haven't done anything healthy for so long, I managed to run 4 km then used the rowing machine for 5 km then rananother 2 km, then did a bunch of weights training. I was absolutely stuffed after but I also felt like a million bucks. I think setting myself goals and taking steps towards those goals is really h...

I took my first sleeping tablet the night of my last entry and it knocked me out in 15 mins, I had a full nights sleep and woke up feeling better then I had in a long time, I am worried about over doing it though and I will admit that I was tempted to take another one last night before I got ready for bed knowing that it would "turn my brain off" again. But I have made a promise to my...

went to my doctor today. been having trouble dealing withsome of the downers of my bipolar and I haven't been able to sleep properly for a couple of months now, I've been going 2 to 3 days withoutsleep. doctor has given me Pristiq 50mg a day and Temazepam 10mg 30 mins before bed, I need to be careful with the Temazepam, can be easily addictive I've been told. So I should only use it wh...

the last 12 months hasn't been the most stable I must admit, I've gone from being in a relationship and planning a wedding to being single going through a 6 month period of being suicidal andcutting to moving half way across the country, to study and help people just like me, just like I was a few short years ago. A homeless heroin addict with bipolar. heh. there's a mouth full. If...