I'm happy to report that I'm still feeling pretty darn good!  The cookout Saturday was a blast and I had no signs of flare from all the activities the day before.  That wasn'ta surprise, though.  My FM behaves a little different than most... physical activity doesn't "cause" a flare, but can make a current flare much worse.  Sometimes it is hard to tell if I'm having a flare or just a bad day with all the other chronic afflictions.

This last flare has really kicked my butt.  I've spent so much time "on the porch" that saying I'm out of shape would be a gross understatement.  I'm on a mission now to try and do a little more each day and hopefully I'll be back up to par before long.  I've noticed full recovery is taking longer and longer and that sucks.  For many years, I'd be back to "normal" within just a few days of a flare ending.  Now it seems I'm left a little less normal each time I have a really bad one.

I want to make note of something new that's going on and most likely has nothing to do with the chronic stuff, since all of that has been much improved.  I've got some pain, more a discomfort really, under my lower-right rib cage.  Sometimes it hurts all the way through to my back.  I thought at first I'd just pulled a muscle with all the coughing I've been doing, but I'm just not sure.  It has been going on for several days now and hasn't improved or gotten worse.  The pain isn't always the same, though.  Sometimes I would rate it maybe a 1 on the 1-10 scale, but other times about a 3.

The weather Saturday was gorgeous!  Sunny and about 70 degrees with a little breeze going on.  I am SOOO glad we did our "thing" then, because Sunday was pretty chilly!  Last night we got a good rain and all morning the sun was shining so everything is nice and green now, but GET THIS...  after lunch, it got rather cloudy and I went to let the dog out and we had snow flurries!!  No wonder we are all sick!  We were running around in T-shirts hunting Easter eggs Saturday and today we're back to winter coats and freezing our butts off.  Temps are expected to dip in the lower 20s!!

OH... before I forget!  My daughter took Chubby Bunny to the ER Friday night!  His cough had gotten much worse, his temp was 102, and he was having a hard time breathing.  The ER diagnosed him with viral bronchitis, gave him a breathing treatment and some steroids and he was much improved by Sat.  evening.  Kaden got sick AGAIN Sat night and had so much mucus he was strangling on it.  No fever, thankfully.  He was a little better Sunday and today seems even more improved, but has the "barking seal" thing going on.  I think we all just keep passing this around to each other!  What I have now is just your basic cold, but I'm still not completely over the cough from whatever we had last week! 

Triple whamied!  First, the bronchitis, then I finally start getting that cleared up and get the sore throat with a different cough, and now I've got snot-nose and coughing from sinus drainage.  Summer can't get here soon enough.  Orange juice daily is a crock, by the way, ha, ha.

I don't have a lot of time cause I need to get my butt in the bed, but I just wanted to say what a wonderful day I've had!  I feel so human again!

Oh heck.. I'm making time!  Let me tell you what I've done today...

I got woke up at 7 a.m. with a call from my daughter telling me my grandbaby is running a fever and I got her on he horn with her doctor, finally.  She needed  a couple of things from the drugstore so I pushed back a lunch date with my friend, got some things done around here, and ran some errands for my daughter.  I had some time to kill before lunch, so I browsed around the garden center at K-Mart, getting myself a litte more spring fever.  My friend and I blabbed for almost three hours at lunch and when I got up from my seat, I wasn't even that stiff!

I got back home around 4 p.m. and started getting things cleaned up around here for the cookout tomorrow.  Oh yeah... I've been feeling so good I planned a last-minute cookout for the whole clan!  My husband has to work Sunday and I've been so sick that we didn't really plan anything for Easter, but that's been ammended.  The lawnmower didn't do well over the winter, ha, ha.  It had two flat tires that I had to pump up with a bicycle pump, no less!  Ok... so my mother and I had to take turns pumping them up, ha, ha, but we got 'er done!

I had the grass mowed in an hour flat and spent another couple hours cleaning up the carport and all the outside toys for the kids tomorrow.  Then it was time for some last minute Easter shopping and grocery shopping for my last minute cookout.  We left around 7 p.m. and didn't get back until after 9.  Yes, that's right!  Tammy put in an 11 hour day!

My back is killing me at the moment, but that's because it did some hard labor today... the kind it hasn't seen in a long time.  I felt "well" today so I knew I could push it without fear of waking up half-dead tomorrow.  The only thing that even reminds me I am sick is my feet and shoulder.  My feet have been tingling/vibrating all day and now that I'm finally off them, they are on fire!  My shoulder is tight and sore and that worries me considering how well the rest of me feels.  At least this time, I know there's  a pill out there that will help if I need it.  GREAT CONSOLATION! 

Life is good today, folks!

 

Once again, I'm having a pretty good day.  Joint pain is almost non-existent and no stomach issues at all to report.  Headache is still there and my ribs are incredibly tender, but thatcould be from the coughing jags I'm still having.  I'm still feeling... er, uh... like I'm not "feeling," if that makes sense.  My aunt called this morning and I found myself "faking laughs" at all her humorous comments.  She's a nut, ha, ha (fake chuckle there), and usually has me in stitches at the end of our conversations, but not today.

Ya know, I can't even say I'm in a bad mood cause that would indicate I'm having some emotion.  At the same time, no flares of hostility yet today and that's a difinite improvement.  When I was on Lexapro I went from being suicidal (on Cymbalta) to being homocidal.  Now my PCP promises me that all of this will level out after I've been on the meds a while and I hope she's right.  I think it is too soon to say whether the meds have actually helped with my symptoms or if getting over the bronchitis is what's making me feel better.  Only time will tell.  So long as I'm not a threat to myself of anyone else, I figure this is worth a shot and I can take whatever comes.

The muscle fatigue is still there, too, and is really limiting me in terms of all I could otherwise be doing today.  I'm also trying to keep things slow and steady so not to over-do.  Part of me wants to bundle up the boy (rather chilly here today) and take off to the mountains for a short hike to see all the trees in bloom, but another part is terrified to even attempt the drive for fear of another set-back.

I have another appointment with my PCP tomorrow and I'm hoping like hell we finally take action with the hypoglycemia.  I can't even begin to explain how frustrating it is to KNOW something is wrong, but have it ignored, basically, for all these years because doctors fail to see how it would explain my complaints.  Have you read the things that can cause non-diabetic fasting hypoglycemia?!?!  Scary stuff!  I feel like I'm walking around with this time-bomb inside me that may up and decide one day to make itself more noticable by shutting down a major organ or causing some permanent harm.  Not getting my hopes up too much, though.  The years have taught me that doctors don't believe in preventative care as much as they like to think they do.  It is a more of a "when it become life-threatening or keeps you out of work, then we'll talk about it" mentality.

I'm finally starting to feel a little more human again.  The sore throat is almost completely gone and I'm more motivated to "do" than I have been.

We are still waitingto hear if our offer on a house was accepted or not (buying it as a short sale so it takes a LONG time) and I'm feeling stuck on knowing what to start doing around here.  If we're going to be moving soon, I want to wait and do any "major" cleaning after everything's been moved out.  But if our offer is rejected, we will be stuck here a while and I don't know how much longer I can stand this nasty place, ha, ha.  I keep thinking that any day now, I'm going to start feeling "well" and need a game plan on what I want to get accomplished.  Meanwhile, Easter is upon us and I'm hoping none of our guests will be looking under couch cusions or behind the fridge for easter eggs, ha, ha.  They'll be likely to turn up some dust bunnies the size of easter eggs!

I also want to mention, as a reminder to myself, that I've had a lot of those tingling/vibrating sensations that precipitated the peripheral neuropathy.  Maybe the Effexor?

I've suffered a major setback, it seems.  Yesterday was almost unbearable!  I mean I felt like TOTAL crap!  And it was all the more frustrating  coming on the heels of such a good day.

I called and canceled my appointment with the shrink I had today, knowing full well I'd be sleeping all day yesterday and be wide awake all night.  Makes it hard to get up, showered, and presentable by 9 a.m.

As is par for the course for me, I broke out with the hive-like rash last night and felt a little better this morning.  Odd, huh?  It's like there's some toxin or something in my body and when it finds it way to the surface through the rash, I notice marked improvement.

Sadly, the improvement was short lived.  I had to run some errands and promised my daughter I'd come visit her and my grandbaby for lunch today.  Brody (our furry son) had torn up the window blinds in the living room, so I swung by Wally-World and I bought some replacements, plus an extra to put up in my son's room now that he's older and less likely to destroy them, ha, ha.  HUGE MISTAKE! 

You can't hang brand new blinds on filthy, nasty windows, so I gave them a cleaning while I had them stripped down.  The living room blinds were simple enough to replace as the hardware was already there, but I needed to install them in Kaden's room.  I was too lazy to dig through the utility shed for the drill and opted to screw in the screws with a standard screwdriver and I am SOOO paying for that now!

Not even two hours after we got home, I noticed my son's face was flushed.  He felt "warm" to me this morning, but I chalked it up to an overly-warm house.  But he's been a little "puny" today, so I took his temp.  It was only 100.8, but even that can make you feel bad.  So I made a command decision... although it was just after 6 p.m., I dosed him up wth Tylenol and we went to bed.

I woke up about an hour or so later, stiff and aching from head to toe!  My neck is incredibly stiff and my throat is just plain raw.  I noticed all day today that I could taste the inhaler and even smell it in my nose, so I thought the scratchiness was coming from that.  Looks like I was getting the first symptoms of sore throat instead!

I know I had an ear infection when I went to the doctor the other day and my experience in daycare has taught me that they are contagious, so perhaps that is what's wrong with Kaden, but I'm fearing the worst since we both seem to be sick.  The flu is still going around in our area and having spent so much time at the doctor's office, I've probably picked it up.  Kaden had his flu shot, but we've been told the type going around is a different strain. 

So here I am again, feeling like an idiot for not being able to tell if I'm just having a flare or if I'm coming down with something.  And I'm going to feel so horrible if I've gotten the flu and carried it over to my daughter and grandson!

As for my vent this evening... It really sux to be the Mom, sometimes!  My husband came in from work tired and wasn't thrilled at my requests to play nurse for me and caregiver to our son.  But ya know what, I don't care!  Ha, ha.  He doesn't have to like it... just has to do it!  I had him make me some chicken noodle soup and a peanut butter sandwich while I laid in bed praying for a peaceful death, ha, ha.  But come 10 p.m., it's lights out for Daddy and Mommy goes back on the clock, despite being sick as a dog, with a 3 yr. old who has slept the better part of the evening and having a miraculous recovery from his earlier puniness.  Luckily for me, he'd burned a lot of his energy out before I arose from my sick bed and he didn't last long before he nodded out again.  It just honks me off that I don't get sick days or vacation from my job as Mom.  If Brian gets so much as a headache, he takes a day off!  His argument for nights like tonight is that he needs his sleep because he has to get up and go to work tomorrow and can't just sleep whenever he feels like it during the day.  HELLO!  I have to get up and go to work, too!  This house doesn't run itself and I don't think leaving our 3 yr. old unsupervised while I sleep in bed all day would work out very well.  But that's the way it goes in this house...  in his mind, he brings home the paycheck so his job is more important.  I get to stay home to "work" and that's sooo much easier than what he has to do.  Wonder how he would like working from 8:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. every day, then being on call for the remainder of the 24 hr. period, all with no paid vacation or sick days and having five very demanding bosses to answer to?

Ahhhh.... feels so much better to get it off my chest!

To bring this diary up to speed...  Since about the first of the year, I was having frequent "attacks" that I thought were related to my hypoglycemia.  Out of the blue, my heartwould start pounding, my pulse would race, and I'd feel all shaky and weak.  It was pretty much the same symptoms I experience when my blood sugar falls.  However, when I tested my levels, they were always within normal range.

A few weeks ago, these attacks starting happening several times a day and I started wondering if perhaps I had developed an anxiety disorder.  I finally went to the doctor and was started on two different meds for anxiety... Clonazepam and Effexor.  Still, something just didn't make sense.  I'd had some issue with anxiety for years, but nothing like this.  What's more, I didn't really have anything going on that would justify my being "anxious."  I started taking the time to really evaluate what was going on when these "attacks" happened and not even two days after seeing the doctor, I was onto a new hypothesis.

Typically when I feel anxious, I just take a few deep breaths and focus on something positive.  Sounds simple, but it really works!  However, when I tried to do that, I couldn't get enough air.  I had a nasty respiratory virus over Christmas and had a bit of a residual cough, but never felt it was a part of the problem.  My mother is a respiratory therapist and I had her give my lungs a good listen and she told me I had some wheezing and wasn't moving air well.  I made another appointment with my doctor and, lo and behold, I had bronchitis!  The "attacks" were most likely bronchial spasms (thus the wheezing) much like those caused by asthma.  Having never had asthma, I had no clue what was going on!  Oh... and I also had an ear infection, but with a headache every day of my life, I probably didn't even notice the most tell-tale symptom.

But since the intial doctor visit fell under the heading of probable anxiety attacks, I've been set up with a psychiatrist to evaluate my need for further therapy.  After learning that I had bronchitis I was tempted to just cancel, but I do still have some anxiety issues, so it may be worth it to see what she has to say.  I will say now that I'm going to start pulling my hair out and throwing things if she starts in that direction of telling me all of my symptoms are psychosomatic!  "Improve your physical well-being by improving your mental attitude."  That is such CRAP!  At some of the happiest times of my life I was sick as a dog and at some of the most stressful, worst times of my life I enjoyed perfect health.  But try explaining that to the doctors!  If it doesn't fit with their diagnosis, then I must be lying about my experience in an effort to hide the fact that I'm suffering from extreme mental illness, ha, ha.

 

I'm new to MDJ, having only discovered it a few days ago.  I've been blogging for a couple of years at wordpress, but have found very few in that community who understand my struggles.  I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my old blog, but willing to try and keep up with both until I can decide which site I like best.