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RickEJ"I was diagnosed 8 years ago with Bi-Polar II.
With no support in my area I searched the web for help, after two years I stumbled on to MDJ.
The bi-polar II group has been my life line since 12/26/2009.
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ilostmyheart I am nameless. I am the words of anyone who feels the same way as I do. This is all I feel, for the first time, without inhibitions.

Calm after the Storm

Mar 30 2012

Well, this is a boring day actually. Nothing much to write about. I would just like to share that I feel better now than most days of the past few weeks. The other day I've gone from being supersad to happy to furious and then sad again... It's just emotionally tiring sometimes to be me. 

It's like all those feelings I hide away... for days, weeks, or years... They somehow find their way out of me whether I liked it or not. Feelings I didn't even know I still had.

This is one of the setbacks of being a person like me, who does not know how to show anger at someone for hurting them. A person could hurt me so bad, and I could just think of their positive traits and smile at them instead of getting angry... Leaving me with pent up emotions I didn't know I had.

I feel okay now though. I'm calm and feel like I could actually get things done. Unlike the past few weeks when doing anything, even the simplest of things... would take so much effort. 

For now, I feel normal. :) 

Previous diary posts by ilostmyheart:
Comments (1)Add Comment
written by Joy75, March 31, 2012
I'm glad you are calm and feeling better than you have the past few weeks. That is a great accomplishment. Going up and down all the time is really exhausting, I agree. I'm sorry you have all these pent up emotions. Do you have a therapist. That person could get these emotions out of you and you could feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. I don't see how you can let someone hurt you and find a positive in them and smile instead of get angry. I could never do that. I get mad and when I get mad, watch out. I think that you should work on these pent up emotions. You should be able to get mad. Everyone will walk all over you if you let people get away with hurting you. I'm glad you are getting things done . You are doing great!

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