Bad Day

So after the whole fiasco of not being told that my appointment was cancelled and rescheduling for Friday....anticipate then let it go then anticipate then let itgo...blah blah blah.

It got cancelled again. Now, I can't even see my surgeon (who I trust!).  No, I get to go to some Yahoo that my lawyer and the Work Comp gargoyles agreed to. This guy is going to decide my life. He will decide if I need surgery, how disabled I am, everything...including my Psych! How can he do that? Does he have some kind of crystal ball, he doesn't know me...how can he decide? GAH!

So, he will look at the reports and make a judgment on me. Why do I even need to go? It's so freaking far away. Seriously?! Am I over-reacting? Probably. Where is my lawyer? ...'we are not in right now, please leave a message that will ultimately be ignored.'

 I am tired of being shoved aside, forgotten, walked through, walked on, poked, prodded, dismembered, & attacked. Seriously. This sucks. I am a person that deserves being treated respectfully. I am human, treat me as such...I am not an object or a number. I am stuck in the conveyer belt medical treatment that has been deemed legal by the grand ol' USA.

 January 09, 2010 

I am calm now and in the process of embracing this situation. I was able to complete the 10 page questionnaire, legibly for the most part. I was able to discuss the specifics of what is expected of me at this appointment with my lawyer. I was able to flow with the panic and realize that it did not nor will it kill me. I believe that in my weakness I will be strengthened by the power of a loving and caring God. I am not alone. I am worthy of love and respect. I cannot control other people or their actions. Go with the flow.

 May 03, 2010 

This is how it went. I went to the doctor and he was running late. The insurance company had a person sitting there pretending to be a patient but she was taking video of me. She was not a very good spy. 

The doctor simply went along with whatever my surgeon said about the hand. I received the report and I am considered (by California WC law) 12% whole body disabled. What does that mean? The system is broken with no relief in sight.

May 25, 2010
I am so frustrated with the entire system and the red tape. I have been approved to see the Psych but for some reason no one wants to make the appointment. You would think that after calling and reminding my attorney every week for the past few months that something would be done. I think that I am being forgotten because of the fact that I will not combine my claims. It would mean more money but I would have to deny that I was ever assaulted! That isn't going to happen. I have to choose between money and mental health! Ridiculous.

June 11, 2010
So, I finally was seen by my surgeon. I think that he plays golf with the Workers Comp people. All of a sudden there is nothing more that he can do for me. Nothing. I have been dissected like a piece of meat, parts discarded like trash and sewn together like Frankenstein. Grrr....not only are my scars ugly, I am in pain. Yes, I walk with a limp. It's not that noticeable they say! Hmmmm, do you want to be me> do you want to wrap your mind around the pain that never ends? It's like that freakin' lambchops all over again....this is the illness that never ends...It goes on and on my friends....over and over again 

Open medical with no one capable of helping me? That is the medical coverage that the Workers Comp system uses. Oxymoronic Auditing!

 June 22, 2010
I received a call from my attorneys office and they said that the ex-employer and their representative company have agreed to a Psych evaluation for the 11-08-05 injury (hand). The only catch is that the eval will take place sometime in November then they have several months after that to some up with a determination. Grrrr.....

 August 16, 2010 

Cheryl was feeling quite stuck 
Worker's Comp was being a shmuck 
She said "I know what to do" 
And of course I said "Me too!" 
Then we both said "What the fuck?" 

By Captain Morgan

August 16, 2010

Here is how it stands now: 

1. I do not have a Psych Eval set up as they had verbally promised 
2. I do not have the foot covered for open medical as the Agreement had stated 
3. I DO have a deposition scheduled with their attorney for them to ask ME questions about something...even my attorney isn't aware of what that something is yet! 
4. I have been receiving bills for services that are supposed to be covered...namely the treatment of the wounds that were made to fix the doctor's mistake. 
WTF?! 

September 14, 2010
As stated about a month ago...just received a call from the attorneys office. They will not have me in to see the Psych eval until 2011! They supposedly agreed in January of this year and NOW it's 2011?! 

I can't even trust my own attorney. The Depo is scheduled and I don't know if I can do it. I think it will put me back into a tailspin again. If they can push it to 2011 then why can't the depo be pushed back also????

September 16, 2010
So he called and I am sick. The depo is about my Psychological issues. Grrr.....Everything is open for discussion. Everything. Big Whoop. This is ridiculous that I am coping until that day...then *poof* you’ve won the Agoraphobia award. Wear it around your neck like a noose.

September 21, 2010
I sent the Dr's letter to request the postponement of the depo. IDK, I should call but yet I am avoiding. LOL Avoidance is the protector of the soul! Or is it the thing that keeps us bound to the house??

November 05, 2010
My depo is scheduled for December 17th. 
My AME with the Psych is scheduled for April 2011 

Now; I wait and try to distance myself from the issue. I also have to wait for the foot to be reassessed by the AME. I believe insurance companies to be the center of all greed in the world. 
"Let's cut out her nerves and then say...ooops, your foot isn't covered." bunch of ostriches with their head in the sand. 

 November 11, 2010 

Just spoke with my Attorney's secretary. He is going to send another letter requesting medical attention for my foot. In the meantime, I am walking wrong and it's hurting my hip. I can't think of anything that I can do to help myself. Maybe going to get an insert or something, but I don't know where to go. Oh well, complain or do....that's what I am back to. I can look for a store that has shoe inserts.

November 18, 2010
Today I will leave my worries about the deposition here. I don't need to worry about it and choose to focus on my healing.

 November 30, 2010 

Once again my attorney did his best to get the approval for me to be seen for my foot issue....He left a detailed message on the other attorney’s voicemail! WhoopWhoop, that'll get someone to approve the foot injury that was caused because of the hand injury that was caused because of the finger injury that was caused because the 'thing' was pushing everyone to go faster...hurry hurry everyone! Grrrr

 December 11, 2010 

I called my attorney last week Friday in the afternoon to tell him that I had a Pdoc appointment and I would be late for our appointment before the deposition. His secretary was upset and said that I HAD to be there. I told her that my emotional health is important and that I was not asking for a postponement, I just needed to see my doctor BEFORE going to the Depo. She said that she would talk with Todd and get back to me. So...a few days later I received the letters...NO CALL! They moved the depo to February 2011?! WTH?! 

So, I have yet to hear from them with an explanation. 

No approved appointment for the foot 
No answer as to 'why' the deposition was postponed 
No call 

Just stupid, stupid letters

 December 22, 2010 

Still waiting upon the call that doesn't come. I am tired of fighting. I am at the point of just letting go. I realize that telling the truth has turned into a marathon. I wont' forget what happened because they need to ask me about it, in order to recover I need to let it go. 

How is that possible? How is this entire process for the good of the patient, the victim? How can I become the survivor if they continue to drag their feet using the legal system? "Do what we want and we will let you live again, maybe"

  January 16, 2011 

There once was an institute that tried 
To abolish my sanity and pride 
My reply, completely sarcastic 
As I tell them to kiss my *asterisk* 
Cuz they've turned me from Jekyll to Hyde~

Why? Why the lovely little limerick? 

Tristar Risk Management of Fresno:             (559)432-1260       As stated in their website for their customers (aka the employer)"TRISTAR Risk Management has always focused on a total loss cost management approach to claims. Through the design and implementation of medical, legal and loss control programs, TRISTAR helps their clients minimize expenses and return injured employees to work in a cost effective, timely manner." 

In layman's terms: they drag out the due rights process of the injured worker and delay the procurement of the proper medication at the appropriated time in order to save money. That's what it all comes down to: MONEY! In my opinion, the "total loss cost management approach to claims" has screwed this nation by allowing the attorney with the biggest mouth to manipulate the system by creating a 'crack in the system' to shove physically and emotionally injured workers so far down into that crack that they will doubtfully will ever see the 'light of day'! What is this 'light of day'? 

JUSTICE

 February 03, 2011 

The eagle stands for justice: 

"But those who hope in the Lord" are those who exercise faith in God and in His promises and who "soar on wings like eagles." The Hebrew word for "hope" is not our weakened form of "I hope, I hope, I hope." Rather, it is a word of solid confidence, expectation, and certainty of what God has promised and a settled trust in God Himself. Waiting is involved, but it is a resting in the trust that the God who said it will accomplish what He said. The eagle is chosen because it is conventionally regarded as the greatest of birds (Ezekiel 1:10; Revelations 4:7). These believers "run," but they do not "grow weary";they "walk" but they do not "faint". It is not because they are so great but that their God is so magnificently majestic in everything He supplies for those who trust in Him.

 February 10, 2011 

I forgot that I had posted on 'that' day.  

At least the deposition has been suspended. They are graciously allowing me to just see the AME doc for my emotional state. To be dissected emotionally I suspect.  

I am still trying to be seen by an Ortho for my foot. Unfortunately I am caught between doctor's egos. The Ortho is requiring the hand surgeon to send the referral. OMG?! A doctor pissing match and here I am with a freakin foot that is f****d up. 

Once again, justice does not exist. I am like a hot potato that no one wants to deal with. They just pass me from one person to another, not wanting to deal with what I live with everyday...pain.

March 15, 2011
I received the letter from the AME Psych and I was not aware that I will be in the room ALONE...yup! That scares me to death. I have read the letter over and over and just noticed that I have to call them to confirm as soon as I received the letter. OMG, that was days ago. Grrr.

Now I am awaiting the appointment for my foot. This has been such a fiasco. The Workers Comp system is broken in California. It seems that doctors and attorneys can do whatever they want with no one to hold them accountable. Grrr. 

One day at a time. I keep telling myself that...for the last few years! Grrr 

 May 1, 2012

I figured this issue with WC would be done. But no, it isn't. Not even close to being done.

My Psych eval: their chose to depose their own Psych and he stood by his findings. It's time for them to 'cowboy up' and stop with all of the bullshit

My Foot eval: their chosen Dr has yet to respond since my last appointment in Sacramento in April 2012

My Hand eval: they have chosen to believe that everything is wonderful and refused to have it evaluated. So I need to go back to Sacramento again.

My WC case is like a soap opera, no matter how long you don't watch it the same ole things with the same ole people with the same ole problems continue to do the same ole thing. 

8-14-2012

It's been 5 years since my surgery and nearly 7 since my original injury. Just putting it out there. It's really difficult to move towards healing when stuck in the Workers Compensation system. I think that not only have I fallen through the cracks but concrete has been poured over and now they are standing on me.

Dear W/C

Please stop standing on me. I will not go away any more than my disability will go away. I did not choose this. It was a freak accident that has left me feeling like the freak.  As unfair as the system is to injured workers, it is the only system that we have.

I would ask that you stop using doctors that do not take responsibility for their actions. Stop using butchers. Although, a butcher probably would have done a better job. 

I would ask that you take responsibility for this mess. I was asleep and did not have the ability to stop it, but you can put an end to this ever happening to another person.  Own up to your contracted doctors mistake and stop treating me like a number or a dollar amount. 

Please realize that I am in pain and suffering as my file sits on your desk. There is nothing speedy about this system so I would ask that it at least be fair.

I did not ask to be dissected alive and would like you to hear me. I am not going to be smothered by time or quieted by your caseload. Do what is right.  

 11-18-12 

Tomorrow is the court date. Fortunately I do not have to attend. However, I do have to be available, waiting by the phone, just in case the judge has questions. This has me thinking...a lot. I am going through the events in my head. I need to journal, I need to not allow the memories and fears to overtake my life, again. No, I want my life to be my own. 

 12/27/12

Melancholy

Discouraged

Victimized

Nervous, yet resolute

Coming soon...The Deposition

February 11, 2013 ....hopefully one day only with no command performances...The Deposition; distrust rears it's ugly head once again. 

February 14, 2013....I don't remember the previous entry...at all and it was only a few days ago. Odd. Very odd.  The depo was rescheduled for April 30, 2013. 

 March 27. 2013

 I am frustrated. One of my meds (Hydroxyzine) was preapproved and I took in the script. It seems that the lady at Express Scripts didn't get the memo. She explained to the pharmacist that "it doesn't treat my injury". Really? And she is ...a doctor?....an illusionist?....an idiot? Yes, it must the last one. I am so tired of the Workers De-compensation system. I decompose and they sit, have a cup of coffee and rake in the cash. 

 5/10/13 

What a turn of events. They cancelled my deposition that was supposed to be on April 30th and then offered a settlement. I'm surprised, shocked really. I have to talk it over with Alex...IDK, it seems like another ploy!