|Feb 08 2011|
i don't understand what is going on with me. for the past 3 years i have been fine, even when i shouldn't have been. i knew it was strange that i could never get emotional, nevercry, i was so numb that nothing touched me. i think it must have been the hormones from my pregnancy and breastfeeding because i stopped breastfeeding my son around Christmas and now i am just falling apart. i am imploding and ruining everything i have worked toward the past 2 years. i am supposed to be stronger than this. what kind of mother can i possibly be when my brain is so warped and i'm so out of touch with my emotions. everything is false to me. i have nothing. i am empty.
all i want is to be a normal, productive person, but all i can ever seem to do is try for a little while and then i get to sick of it and myself. it is just not who i am. why can't i just love myself and stop thinking that i should be something else?
I am in constant conflict within my brain. I don't even think i feel real emotions anymore. i have become my own puppet and that is just sick. how did i get to be in this place? what am i supposed to do?
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