I feel like the doctors are never going to be able to find anything to decrease my pain some. Yesterday was terrible! And now it's 5:00 in the morning and I am up already! What is up with that?? I dont dare take my meds for another hour or it will mess up my routine.

I have to confess that the pain was so bad last night that I cut myself before bed. It helbed a little. Please dont tell me to go to the hospital. I cant afford it and all that would happen is I wiuld end up in the psyche ward for 72 hours. The doctors obviously don't want to help ease my pain for some reason. Maybe I am not worth it in there eyes. Obviously the way I am being treated there I am nothing but a piece of shit to them anyway. I just don't understand why NOTHING is helping!

I go in for pt on Wednesday. I hope they come up with something new. Every time I have done it before all they have done is made things worse. Today I am going to go sit in the hot tub for a while thats for sure. I really just wish the effects lasted longer. I will probably go late this afternoon.

The jewelry party went ok. I ended up only having 6 people show. I had one person order before so I believe I get $25.00 worth of free jewelry for that and I kept my show date so I get another $25.00 for that plus my show sold $300.00 so I get eather 30 or 50% of everthing I buy. The girl that was selling it is my friend and it was her first show. So, $300.00 for your first show cant be too bad. I could tell she was nervous and forgot some stuff but really the most of it is looking at a magizine and picking out what you want. I will have to figure out for sure what I get because she really didnt say and wouldnt add up my order before she left. That irritated me. I want to know. Maybe I will pick out more stuff and if I do in the long run that makes it better for her!