Checking myself into the hospital was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But It was also the smartest things I did. I knew I was in a bad spot and that things were only going to get worse. I mean I was already cutting again and a couple of people saw them. How was I going to keep hiding them and be able to feel them?

I Asked my husband to bring me to the hospital. I was there from Sunday untill Thursday. In that time I got two ECT treatments and it helped me tremendously!

So my game plan is next week I will have 3 more ECT's. One Monday, Wednesday, then my last one Friday. Then I will probably have one every two weeks for a bit. Then make our way back to once a month. I am also on Cymbalta and an anti anxiety medicine too.

I have a few goals I am working on but the mostly have to do with not getting too overwhelmed. And to remember that no matter how badly I want to I cant controll everything.

My mom is ok, still not talking the greatest. She just got moved out of the ICU yesterday. I am going to go visit her today. I tried to yesterday but I was a little sedated when we got there and wanted to leave because I was so tired.

Thanks everone for caring so much. I am really doing alot better now. I tell ya, its amazing what shock treatments can do for ya!