I am almost 34 years old and my mom is dying from emphasima. She is really getting sick now and I dont know how to deal with it. I tend to get really stressed about it and get myself sick over it. my depression is coming back, because of other things too. Plus I am getting stomach issues from all this.

I am a little angry right now because I wrote all this and it didnt save and it was alot better because it was fast and from the heart. Now I am sitting here trying to remember what I wrote.

My mom has lived two years longer then they expected her to. She told me that today but I already knew that. I get really worried about her because she is now dropping stuff alot including very hot coffee. Plus she falls asleep alot and she still smokes sometimes so I get scared that she is going to burn down the house.

I love my mom so much and want to keep her around as long as possible. I am just getting so depressed about all of this and dont have any idea how I am supposed to deal with this. All I have done for the past two days is sleep, cry, and lay in bed for the most of it. Thats what I feel like doing now. I am going to try and do something productive.

I just wish I could deal better instead of making myself sick and yelling at my dad all the time. Then I just end up feeling guilty and get sicker. I just dont know what to do. I am not ready for this, That is the whole problem.