Pain, Sorrow, Love, Despair, Relief |
Sep 10 2009 |
Well the last few days I have been in so much pain. It came from nowhere. I have been waking up and not able to move because it hurts so much. At first I thought it was from a medicationbut it does not match any side effects that I have found. My job as an educator of young children requires a lot of movement. I cannot even climb steps. The only medication I have been taking is motrin. Maybe it helps and maybe it doesn't. I had a hard time sleeping last night but I am thankful for conversations on this site. I don't know what I would do without it. I hope this physical pain ends soon. I know there are far worse things to worry about though...
My sister is on the bone marrow transplant list. We wait. She is in severe pain and is unable to eat (years, life time). I think about her all the time. (to think that I really believed that I could just give her my organs like they were a gift and everything would be okay not that long ago What was I thinking? Life is never that simple.) I love her so much and would not survive if anything ever happened. God forbid. I cannot help but think about it and cry. I just sit here in my bed barely able to move and cry. Thank God she is still alive. I am so thankful. What is going to happen to her? What is going to happen to me? Some days I feel like I am not going to make to the next. Sometimes it is a relief. I know that is horrible to say but it helps me breathe. My grandmother died a year and a half ago and when I think about it I still cry. I don't even know why I am crying now. I am not on an antidepressant right now and wish I was. I just want a little help (not a lot just to help me through life's challenges)
So many people have a harder life then I do. Why do I cry? Why do I hurt?
Hospital
Any Suggestions?
What is mental illness after all?
Sad To Say Goodbye
Surgery Day 1
Enjoy
God Bless All Of You - Good Bye
Organ Transplant Team
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Are you on any alternative treatments for the lyme? You need to look up Lithium Orotate to help with the depression. I have been reading about it in Bryan Rosner's book The Top 10 Lyme Disease Treatments. It helps with neurotoxins & depression without side effects. I have ordered some to try.
I understand how you feel about having thought of donating to your sister. I have refused to give blood all of my life until someone could figure out what was wrong with me. How thankful I am now that I made that decision.
Other people's difficult lives should not detract from the grief & suffering that you are going through. Your suffering is real & deserves to be dealt with. Your grief over losing the life you knew is real, too.
If you don't have an llmd, please get one. Educate yourself on this disease so you can have a say in your treatment. This is empowering.
Hang tough & know you're not alone. My thoughts & prayers are with you!