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EvilElle I've just come to terms with my diagnosis of bipolar type II with social anxiety disorder. I'm trying to deal with it the best I can.

4-02-10: Baby Blues

Apr 03 2010

Right now I am torn between my own hurt feelings and my guilt over my lack of enthusiasm and happiness for my brother and his wife.  Yesterday they posted their first sonogram pictures on Facebook. I feel like a jerk, but I just couldn't bring myself to comment on them.  I was doing okay justifying myself with it until my other brother sent them notes of congratulations. We've all said congratulations over the phone and in person, but I don't want everyone to think I'm being rude because I haven't said something on some stupid social networking site.  But at the same time, I don't want to post something just for the sake of it. I DON'T feel good about the situation right now.

I feel like a horrible person, but I just disagree with everyone that keeps telling my SIL that she will be a GREAT mommy.  I think maybe she'll become that as time goes on, but right now she is not someone you would typically see as a mother. And though I know I'm not the only one that feels that way (many others have said the same thing to me about her when they learned the news) I know that part of it has to do with my anger/frustration/sadness over the whole situation.

It's going to be a VERY long 7 months. I told Collin last night that I almost don't want to go over to my parents' house for Easter dinner just because I really don't even want to be around her. I really don't want the constant reminder. Plus I know that as time goes on, baby is going to be the primary topic of discussion. I really don't think I can hold it together for that.

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