All my life I have thought I have been surrounded by idiots and I was the sane one. Yes I new I was bipolar and had adhd and can't hold a job or keep friends, but everyone else to me was the weirdone. I was mister fantastick. I was the sane one and everyone else was the nut...Now, Seeing that I lived in California that was probably semi true- but moving away and the problems still exist...I finally realized my life was this way because of me and me alone. If I would have taken the appropriate steps sooner rather than later, I wouldn't be in the situation I am now. I have quit my 3rd job in the past month. One day great-next day manic. Out of meds again. But instead of getting all screw the world-I don't care, I'm going to try to get hospitalized again on Monday. Last time I was there, they said it would probably be possible to get me hospitalized with all my conditions unti back on working meds and continued therapy when I check out. I just moved into a house in february and am renting a room here and am 2 weeks late on rent. I will be asked to leave on monday if I don't have a job which I don't. Again, this is all my fault and no one elses. I'm actually happy that I'm finally able to accept my own responsibilities and not point the finger at someone else. It actually overcomes the fear of not being hospitalized if they can't or being homeless in four days. As crazy as it sounds, I actually am proud of myself. I'm going to be 39 tomorrow (may 16th)
and I'm actually feeling the most stable I have been in decades. Instead of screaming, I'm accepting ( mind you, just like Jack Benny, I'm going to say I'm 39 for the rest of my life!!) I have accepted the bi-polar, the adhd, insulin dependent diabetes for 38 years, my child abuse as a kid, and everything else. I'm not saying this for anybody to feel sorry for me, just that it is a great feeling to know, I have finally accepted it and It makes me feel wonderful! I blame no one but myself for my problems and it makes me feel so good to accept that-like a major weight lifted from me