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A day in the life...

still

Mar 27 2012

The pain in my hands, wrists, feet, knees, elbows, shoulder blades.. you name it, is still so bad.When it gets really bad I also get that stupid chest pain with it, which for me is the worst. The overkill exhaustion that makes me sleep in my car at lunch, and almost fall asleep on the way home driving. Yesterday I know that I dozed off for a few seconds, and that is not acceptable.

How long will I be able to continue at my job lifting heavy charts, writing all of those reports, opening those heavy steel doors with a key ( ooooh so painful to the wrists and hands)... I have no idea. The thought terrifies me that I may need to give it up, because I'm the main breadwinner with the health benefits. I try to live in the moment and not think of the future, but dear God what would we do.

So off to work I go, despite my body's protests. Praying in a couple of hours I'll feel better, once I'm in the thick of it.

Lord, please place your loving hand gently on my shoulder and guide me through yet another day of agony and challenge.

Previous diary posts by kvnj:

pain
Passed!
YAWN
Catching something?
Way to ruin my Christmas..

Loss
Dreaming of pain...
Even from family members?
Superwoman
stress

Comments (6) Add Comment

written by heager1, March 27, 2012

I'm sorry your having so much pain. Can you put braces on to support your wrist?
Did you ever start something besides the MTX?
Are you due for a vacation?
Don't give up yet.It was very hard on me giving up my job and being dxed with RA. you will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

written by claphappy, March 27, 2012

Lord look upon your child Karen and give her the health to provide for her family. Take away the pain and the swelling. Take away the RA and heal her fully. Give her your wisdom to best select her future. Amen

written by bits, March 27, 2012

I wanted to cry while reading this. Then I became very angry.
I had to wait for anger to pass before writing.
First of have you talked to rheumy about going up the ladder concerning RAD meds as well as pain meds?
As you know this is a progressive disease and as it progresses so will need for stronger and/or different meds.
Secondly, many of us had wonderful careers and had no choice but to opt out. Many did depend on their income so, as you, it was a traumatic blow to stop working.
I'm not sure which was worse...losing income or losing the ability to work. probably a double whammy, huh?
If you think time is running out to work, try very, very hard to get things paid up ahead of time as much as possible. Try to save what you can.
Consider downsizing...everything.
Karen, RAD does change our lives. But we are RAD WARRIORS and we get thru. Everytime...
Thirdly, He has not forgotten you. He is with you always. And it is He who will show you the ways out.
Praying for you my friend.

written by kvnj, March 27, 2012

Thank you all so much for your encouraging thoughts and your prayers. I know that He heard you, because I was able to make it through yet another day at work which was longer than most.

One day at a time..

written by heager1, March 28, 2012

I'm hoping you make it today too. I hate to hear you give up your job and be like me miserable,fat,depressed and no where to go.lol

written by Cata, March 28, 2012

You have always been a hero of mine. All you do through the pain and exhaustion, is remarkable. Praying that you find ways and answers, so you can live the life you want to live. Much love