A day in the life...

Lower dose of mtx is killing me. Pain, swelling, wicked fatigue.  Sitting here crying before work, because I'm in so much pain I can hardly move and I'm nauseous from the pain.  Wish I could take a painkiller and stay in bed.

No increasing dose due to liver, and no new meds can be added since having surgery in a few weeks.

Praying for relief so I can get through a

yay..  did bloodwork  on friday. this morning I got a call that my liver enzymes are elevated. 59 and 109. doctor says to back off mtx from 8 tabs to 6.... so how do i tell her i've been taking 6 for a loooong time because i couldn't deal with the side effects of 8.   so these are really my numbers on 6, not on 8.  she may be upset.. but thank goodness I WASN'T t

Well about a month ago after not being able to take the pain in my shoulder anymore, and tired of hearing from rheumy that my shoulder issue was NOT RA, I forced her to send me for xrays. She also gave me a cortisone shot.  Shot didn't help.  Xrays showed no RA, so she sent me for an MRI. MRI shows all kinds of stuff, and rheumy thinks I may need surgery.So I have an appointment with

So it's settled in my knees , ankles and wrists.  Yippee!! 

So, last night (in the middle of the night.. not so bright as I now realize), I finally broke down and took an Ultram to relieve some of this unrelenting pain.  Welllll.... yes it has eased my pain,  but I HATE the dizziness that I still have some 8 hours later. Got out of bed this morning and nearly fell over.  Had to lay back down. So bad that I actually have some weird visual stu

Wouldn't you know that my dear MIL on Saturday threw at me that I would be hosting Father's Day (the next day)?   I'd had a crazy busy week at work, and was looking forward to relaxing, but nooooooooooooo.   So to condense the story, I basically worked from 8am Saturday until 9:30pm Sunday on this event.  Cleaning the house thoroughly, shopping, cooking, weeding &

Dressed and ready, or so I thought.  Drove youngest to school, with my hands and wrists screaming in pain, hips protesting loudly.  Only a mile drive...  no way could I drive 45 moreminutes,  walk the endless walk from the parking lot to the building I have to go to (because the employees take up all of the handicapped parking) , open heavy steel doors , lift heavy  cli

Today has settled into my hip worse than any other area.  Put on some over the counter pain patches, which were worthless.  Heating pad didn't help either.  Couldn't get comfortableto sleep, couldn't move, can barely stand up from sitting..  Woke up with the pain causing me to shake and be nauseous. That's a bad start to the day and of course I have to go to

The pain in my hands, wrists, feet, knees, elbows, shoulder blades.. you name it, is still so bad.When it gets really bad I also get that stupid chest pain with it, which for me is the worst.   The overkill exhaustion that makes me sleep in my car at lunch, and almost fall asleep on the way home driving. Yesterday I  know  that I dozed off for a few seconds, and that is not accep

lower back and hip pain so bad again that I couldn't sleep. every move puts me in excruciating pain... walking, sitting, standing.  making me nauseous. 

thew on a thermacare heatwrap in hopes it will help somewhat, but an hour and nothing yet.  have to go to work, so I have no idea how I  will make it through the day..especially getting in and out of the car many t

In September I passed the class test for real estate pre-licensure, and then  life happened and I never got around to taking the state licensing exam. Finally scheduled it a few weeks ago to takeit this morning.  Spent a week of intensive studying, and I'm so happy, proud and relieved  that I passed it.   It was one of the most difficult tests I've ever taken, so I'

Tired.. up at 3am. Worried, in pain.. you name it.  Oh well.  Day has to get better from here, right?? 

After a lousy New Year, due to you know who again,  it appears that I may be coming down with something.  Last night I kept waking up alternating between chills and sweats, and still havingit this morning.  Temp is up, and throat somewhat sore (after having had a sore throat for two weeks that I never got checked because I had no sick time left) with some stuffy nose.   

Why is it that my idiot husband (that's being KIND) had to be nasty to me all day, with name calling and put downs,  and ruin Christmas for  me?  Does he get some perverse pleasurein making me unhappy? Then when I "dare" to talk back to him in response to his venomous comments, he has the audacity to tell me that I'M being mean!  

I'm reaching my

Sadly, I lost a friend I've had for what seemed like  lifetimes  this past week.  It's on my mind every day, and is effecting me physically. I've noticed more pain, and I'm not sleeping well.  I suppose that once I adjust to the loss, I will start to feel better.  Until then, I remain devastated and hurting inside and out. 

I hate when I'm asleep and dreaming that I'm in pain.  Then I realize that the reason I'm dreaming about it is because I AM in pain,  and it's coming through in my dreams.  Waking up to that kind of pain is horrible.

Just love it when family members harrass you about your disease. There I am sitting and reading a magazine peacefully, and husband says, "What are you doing? Reading about your RA and feeling sorryfor yourself?"  Lovely... 

So tired of everyone expecting me to be Superwoman all the time!! Where is my knight in shining armor to rescue me from this ?? lol

 Way too much of it. How do I find a way to handle it,  and how do I figure out a way out of this ?  We're sinking fast.

Started last week with increased pain. Sunday had terrible chills, lousy feeling, more pain. Today bad pain, stayed home. Hope it's not getting worse, because I have so much on my plate now that thismight send me over the edge! Had to push myself hard last week, had some serious family crises, so probably now my body is making me pay.  Oh the very dear price we pay.

had an endoscopy today..  dr asks me if  I have lupus because of my red cheeks..  so do I get checked for that now too? lol

....tired of the constant verbal abuse...  need an answer

Well latest bloodwork came back abnormal.  High wbc , rbc w/aniscytosis present, and high neutrophils...  whatever they all mean!  Naturally rheumy and gp didn't answer because it was2pm on a Friday.   Guess the body is fighting something, but I'll be darned if I know what!  Ahh just add this to the CRUMMY week I had...  SOSDD

Ok, I overextended myself this week, and today I'm paying the price. With 5:15am wake up time, work, shuttling kids, sick kids, kids obligations, cooking, cleaning, etc... I'm just totally wipedout. Of course, because of that, Im also in tremendous pain.  Had to wrap my hand/wrist, my lower back is killing me, shoulders, knees hurt, feet swollen and sore...   When will I lea

now the idiot tells me to stop taking my methotrexate because when/if i have side effects on Sunday (from taking it on Saturday)   it is too much of an inconvenience for him.....     so to heck with worrying if i get crippled or having my organs damaged, as long as he's not inconvenienced then  its worth not taking it...  right???    

love when my husband goes into his bipolar rage and throws things at me, screams at me, and scares the kids.  then says he hates me and wishes he could figure out a way to get rid of me.  if he could, i would have been gone already.   says he cant stand to look at me, to see me, to hear me breathe.

shouldve called 911 but didnt

well  I saw the the rheumy today and she has put me back out in the field with my job, because they sent me a veiled threat poison pen letter.  basically they said if I didn't getback out there that they couldn't hold my job open.  Nice.

She said that although my swelling has gone down, my pain seems to be increasing so she's concerned that my joints are ge

darn things popped up again today, after last night's mtx.  jeeze they hurt!!

its been a long and terrible week. it makes me wish i could just run away and hide..  between pain and exhaustion, husband being an absolute narcissitic idiot, and now work giving me a problemabout my "accomodations"  i just feel like giving up.  with no support system , i feel so isolated and quite honestly feel like giving up.  so tired. so very very tired.

oh i'm so tired today. 9 somewhat restful hours of sleep and still exhausted. husband upset with  me that i'm always sore and tired every day...  complaining that i didnt do the groceryshopping after working all day, getting home doing the shipping labels for his ebay "job",  making dinner, cleaning up, and i didnt do his laundry! i am not doing enoug

Why is it that when you're in the middle of bone numbing pain and deathly exhaustion that you can't sleep??????  I am SO tired and in so much pain that I am dizzy here at work. Even my stomach incisions from 2 yrs ago have been hurting, inside and out.   Only 10:30am... got many hours left to go.  Dont know how Im going to manage.  Ugh.

Not going to elaborate.  Just everything hurts,  so OUCH.

So why is it that when you go for a test for one thing they find something completely different?  My cat scan for the pain up under my right rib cage showed some cysts in my kidneys and liver, but the radiologist claims they're nothing to be concerned about. ("incidental"..he said).  My hips and lower spine ( L5-S1) are showing damage(thank you so much RA).  I have

Oh I just cannot stand this stupid methotrexate.  You'd have thought that my body would have adjusted by now, after 8 months, but noooooo.  I take it Saturday nights before bed, and itnever fails that on Sunday I feel crummy.  REALLY crummy ( headaches, upset stomach, just a yucky overall feeling) until about 1:00 in the afternoon,  when then I switch to a little less cr

Ive been feeling so lousy the past week with exhaustion, pain,  and a lot of  pain where the gallbladder was removed years ago ( maybe bile ducts blocked?)  that I am barely functioning. Going to work and staying there all day has been horrible.  Was feverish this morning for hours, then chills, alternating with that moving pain.  Horrible. 

  Now on top

Well it's a "9"  day too.  How I hate it when the doctors ask me to rate my pain on a scale.  Too much pain to sleep last night. Just couldn't manage to drag myself towork. Wish I could have,  but totally not able to.  Could barely take the little one to school.  So, under the electric throw and vegging out in front of tv, and will sneak in some nap

Did too much today.  Was already tired and a little sore, woke up with sausage fingers and toes,  but then had to go take care of inlaws dog.  Got there and found he'd really made amess of the rug, so tried cleaning by hand. No such luck.  That meant would have to go home  and get the 800lb steam cleaner to take care of it.  So went back home, got the kids fed, go