|Mar 05 2011|
Ok, so I have come to a point in my life where everything is overwhelming to me. I am sick of being sick. It seems like everytime I go to the Dr.s they find something else wrong with me or referme to some specialist. I am to the point that I don't even want to leave the house again nor do I want to go to the Dr.s becuase I can't handle it anymore. I have everything from chonic back pain, fibromyalgia,diabetes, congestive heart failure and severe copd, along with a host of mental health issues. I have a home nurse that visits me 1x a week at this point and health aids 3x a week. I feel so helpless and so depressed about the entire situation. I wish I could just tell everyone that has anything to do with the medical field to leave me alone.
I get by day to day and don't know how I do it without hurting myself. I have not seen my therapist in months and that's not helping much. I have to really get out of this rut somehow and start taking care myself better. It is easier said then done though. I feel like I am going to hell in a handbasket. I just want to stop the world and say hey, let me off. Am I going to get any better? NO...so I need to work with what I have somehow. I mean it is what it is right? I just feel like I have given up the fight...why do I have to fight? Why so young has everything happend to me so quickly. I am 44 now and when I was 37 my pulmonologist and primary Dr.s gave me 5 or 6 years left to live. Ok...so they were wrong, I'm still here....suffering. I don't want to suffer anymore. I wish the higher powers would give me some strength.
Well I guess that is my rant for now. Sorry it's so gloomy.
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