12 years and counting.....

I've never kept a diary before, and so wish that I had of!!             September, 1998 (21 yrs old).....I am sitting in Church, watching my cousin marry his longtime girlfriend, and what's going on with me???  I'm sitting there covering one of my eyes, because I cannot see single (I have double vision and have no idea why!!!)  One week later, I am placed in a CT scanner, two days later I'm in my doctors office and he's telling my mom and I that I have a tumor on my Pituitary Gland!!!!!!!!!!  One week later, I have surgery to remove a 1in X 1.5in tumor.  Flashforward to 2001.....I get a call from my Endo with news from my recent check up and he tells me that my tumor is back and this time I have to travel out of Province to TO to have my next surgery.  After this surgery, my GH levels continue to stay high, so I am diagnosed with Acromegaly, and placed on Sandostatin LAR 20 mg.  This goes fine and 5 yrs later, I come off the Sandostatin.  4 months later, I get pregnant (always told that I would NEVER conceieve), and have a beautiful, healthy baby boy.  Then we come to last year......I have a follow up MRI and my tumor is back once again!!!!  I am now 33 years old, my Sandostatin is lowering my GH levels, but my IGF-1 levels continue to slowly rise and I am waiting now to see if I will have to head to TO again for another surgery!!!!  I am scared, frightened, mad, worried!!!!  Why me, why again?????  People who do not know anything about my tumor or disease, have no idea what life is like!!  I just want a "normal" life with my son and husband......is that too much to ask???  I'm probably going to use this diary as my method to vent!!!!  Afterall, it's better than venting to my dear husband!!! ;)  Off to bed now soon.......sleep tight!