|Mar 06 2012|
So, I now have severe arthritis set in, from a post tramadic multiple impact fracture in my right ankle (A car accident 3 years ago) A second chronic pain has entered my life. I just saw my surgeon and got the results from the catscan. Its bone on bone rubbing, that is now actually wearing down the overall length of my leg. I have about 12 pieces i have chipped off, that get caught in my ankle when i walk more than a couple hundred yards, and my surgeon reccomends fusion. When it first kicked in, i didn't even get it looked at as the stabbing pain in my ankle masked my headache. But it got worse every week and i now am on some anti inflamatories that help a tiny bit. I did not fill the script for daily pain meds as i am proud of the fact that i take considerably less than i used too. I learned to cope by using distractions. But this distraction needs some kind of attention.
I am 30 years old. I try not to think about the future as i live life a day at a time. But now my doctor is talking about welding my ankle at a 90', and not burning bridges for my future in 30 years when i can look at a replacement joint. Honestly i never thought i would be here at 30 years of age. I have struggled more than not, through the past 14 years. I am not sure how, but i am still here. As weird as it may sound i am shitting bricks, terrified of getting my ankle "fixed", as the searing pain in my ankle has become a distraction i depend on. I know that anyone with a serious headache would do anything to get rid of there pain. I also know that anyone with severe arthritis would do the same. But when one masks the other, what would you do?
I think that the answer is to get the ankle fixed up, and deal with the headache like i always have. Its just, i have had a bad start to the year, with a couple really rough months. Headache has been bad a lot lately, and i am not taking this fusion thing well. I know that however bad i have it, somebody has it worse; so i guess i should just keep repeating that, and try not to feel so crappy.
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