|Jun 10 2012|
" On, How Apparent Swings In Downward Spiral, The Human Race "
To my ever most dear, and wonderful friends, and constant, loyal readers,
I first must admit to you my lasting naiveté, when-otherwise-at my time of life, I had considered I had seen so many aspects of life, and had ‘been around the block' so many times, as to make my head spin.
I felt quite confident in my assumptions about life, and about people, and about how the two sometimes most curiously collide and combine. For in my working life, and now...my disabled one, I have seen true courage and selflessness in the face of eminent failure; I have witnessed love, that evidences no hidden agenda; and I saw people at their worst-I thought-who were genuinely evil-minded, and who spread discord, and disharmony wherever they could.
Very early on, and since, I felt I had clearly run the gamut from the truly naughty, to the truly nice. I was exposed to blind hatred, and unexceptance, to warm, and giving natures, whose quiet brightness lighted up a room.
I learned that many individuals will fight to the death for wrong things, or right; or react in ‘slack-jawed' ennui, for whom the most sensational was but a giant ‘yawner'.
All of my preconceived ideas were most effectively ripped from me after I was given my computer.
For anyone who spends anytime at the computer, ‘surfing' the net, in time you will be exposed to some ethereal beauty, but, more-it seems, increasingly-to horrors that frankly make of fevered nightmare an unimportant thing.
In a way, without somehow filtering its content, or legislating its content, the atrocities that beggar the imagination spew forth their terror, and unbelievable must-perforce-be granted to one and all. And I will be the first to say that censorship begins with the ‘delete' key, but, if it is your choice to revel in such hellish stuff, that, of course, is your choice; and I remain a most ardent proponent of free speech.
Now, having said that, I certainly wish that much higher hopes were in the minds of those who developed the ‘Vocem Penitus', the voice of the internet, and that, in order to be free, it has subsequently passed the ‘Wild West' days, into something I find disquieting.
How often have I searched for some bit of humor, or information, or edification on the ‘web', to find that I had been thrown to a place darker than the imagination.
A dear friend warned me of this. (He) said that there were such things in existence that he would not tell me about, for, I suppose, hurting my heart, and boggling my mind. And, my dearest friends...he was completely correct.
And, although I do not seek these horrors out, they seem to spring at one quite unbidden, and yes, these things hurt my heart, boggle my mind, but also give me lasting ill and uncomfortable feelings. For now, these make me afraid, for in truth, I had not been exposed to particular incidents, thus keeping my naiveté intact. Perhaps I did not know, because I simply did not want to know. Because they DO shock; they DO hurt: they DO offend; and, they DO make one most afraid.
My dearest, kindest friends and readers, I chose to not mention the majority of it. You know its there. And I imagine you too recoil at the depth and breadth of its inhumanity. And our children have free access to this? This scares me most of all, for eventually, in becoming numb to such things, hardness of heart, loss of innocence, and a kind of mean-spirited apathy surely must follow.
I hardly need mention all the ‘battle' theme games that are out; and these certainly do not spare the bloodshed, the screaming, and the utter violence that passes now for entertainment. This cannot help but make one immune to the everyday violence seen around the world.
I will, however, share one incident with you with which I hope to clarify my point.
Yesterday evening, I was roaming-around the Yahoo page, for some little news of interest or entertainment. I finally found an article with a video, in which a 97 year old woman, finally got her High School diploma.
It was a sweet and touching story, and the woman, while made small with age and care, looked, nevertheless regal in her white cap and gown.
This was-for her-a lifetime achievement, and she touched the diploma haltingly, saying how proud her father would be of her. And in a quavering, broken, hollow voice she began to cry. She was SO, SO happy at last, and to receive her diploma accompanied by three generations of her family; in fact, her grandson is also taking his degree a little later this year, from the same High School.
To hear her voice, and know her pride, and hear her rusty tears brought more than one lump to my throat, and I found my eyes had tears of joy in them, for her, for our society, as well as ourselves. And it was but a brief, but beautiful story. Which-in truth-should have, for me, ended there, happy and warm.
But, as it was on Yahoo, as it is with many sites, there was a ‘comment' section below, so that people could enter in their feelings, and their thoughts.
My friends, I never made it through even two pages of comments. While about fifty-five% were warm, congratulatory, and life-affirming, too many were unparalleled in their vulgarity, most, as you might know, sexual in nature; or rude; or complaining.
My jaw hit the table in front of me. How could anyone say such things? And why? And for what purpose? To entertain? And why-please do excuse me-would any comment written, necessitate the mention of the word, ‘lube'?
It must, therefore, represent a few, important things:
1) That, although that world is wide and large, the apparent number of unspeakable people abound in greater numbers than I could have possible imagined.
2) I am then more naïve than I thought?
3) That pernicious evil is everywhere, and since most people have video-recording cell telephones, they do not hesitate one second in sharing with the world their mindless, base brutality.
4) In addition to being very, very ill, and agoraphobic, besides, now I am becoming more and more afraid, which makes me less likely to want to venture forth.
I fully realize that, particularly in these days, one cannot afford to keep one's head in the sand, it does, in consequence make me want to barricade my doors, and try to stay (with dear Daisy), safely hidden within.
It also makes me sad, as I still don't understand, except that being human isn't all its cracked up to be. And I sometimes wonder why a giant asteroid doesn't just wipe the slate clean.
Just how very far HAVE we wandered from an Eden?
On a personal note, dear friends, my bronchitis has spread to become pneumonia. With prayers said, and with luck, and rashers of medications, I hope-yet-to recover, and be well. I do ask you, please, please forgive me if my future postings become every third day, instead of every other. This will both allow me to rest, to better gather my thoughts, and with greater hopes to provide you, my special friends and readers with more that I most sincerely hope will be worth reading.
For YOU are the most important part of my equation; your mounting readership makes my heart happy, and helps me find my Voice. And, to that end, I am-of course-open to your suggestions, as I value your opinions, even those contrary to mine, and for your readership. Without them, I am truly alone.
I thank you humbly, for your befriending me, and for ever keeping me in your most kind thoughts, and wishes.
Please always know, I love you,
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