|Apr 17 2012|
So my big strategy now is to see if I can go back and pick up where I left off way back in 1993 before that lousy tick so rudely interupted what I was doing.
At that time I had just begun to regularly meditate, and was well on my way somewhere with it. I had figured out how to still my mind and body and feel pretty peaceful during and after a session, and it seemed I was having more and more personal insights come to me as a result.
Then the Lyme invaded my whole body, doing such a number on my head that it was impossible for me to meditate anymore, no matter how hard I tried. I was just in too much pain and discomfort.
It may actually have been God's way of putting a stop to my meditating, who knows, because right about that time I began thinking that maybe if I meditated deep enough I could contact extraterrestrial beings in other parts of the universe. I had been dating a guy who believed that he had already done this and had established a close friendship with some beings that he described as being very "lizard-like."
Things definately got very weird for me at that time, to put it mildly. But now almost 20 years later, I am wanting to go back and reclaim what I had begun in establishing a meditation practice.
Not to make contact with extraterrestrials ( I am in a different place now ), but to help me feel a little bit closer to heaven, and a little bit further away from this world of problems. The cocktail of supplements and prescriptions I am taking seems to have the disease just enough under control to allow me to sit and be still again - I think.
There is still a big challenge in it. When I go to a spot to get quiet, I can leave all the worries and chores behind, but I still have to take Lyme, Bart and Babs with me. My objective however, rather than to make contact with extraterrestrials, is to experience a closer union with God.
When I sit, I am aware of two extremes. God on the one, and my personal hell on the other. The disease wants to dominate, and sometimes does this so well, that I am not able to sit there very long because the pressure and ringing in my head blocks my having a good meditation.
But at other times, if I persist, I can sometimes reach that still place where I feel as if I am floating, and my breathing almost ceases altogether. Once I arrive at that place, I know something is right because I dont want to come out of it.
I am also still aware of my symptoms from the disease, but it finally 'feels' like God has become the dominating force. At that point I can also say that in many ways, arriving at this very still place acts like a kind of medication.
Not that it even matters in those moments that I am ill. It doesnt seem to matter then. But I have to wonder if persistence in this practice will begin to change my whole being and the affects spill over even into the time that I am not meditating.
I can definately say though, that at no other time am I so strongly aware of the war between the two extreme sides of me!
And I think this is because when I go to sit in silence, this is all that is present there - God, and Satan in the form of my disease. And he tries his hardest to keep me well distracted more so then that at any other time.
But I am going to keep at this. I spend a lot of my time searching out the spots that are most suitable for me to meditate. Home is actually the worse place. But eventually I hope to be able to successfully meditate anywhere.
I think it holds the clue to healing, as long as I dont give up on it.
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