|Apr 19 2010|
I have not been having the greatest of time. My mania is bad and maybe it's hypo mania. I go into phase of being kinda happy to just I don't care, no wonder why Samantha left cause I'm a wreck and now I'm trying to prove to her that I can be a better boyfriend, but how can I when she's in isolation. So I jut wait it out. yeah my relationship problem is only a bit of whats going on with me.
I couldn't stop crying and screaming in front of my friends the other night after the movies. About myself,Samantha and everything in between Maybe it was another break down, but it felt a lot worse this time as if something was being taken away.But I saw the sunshine today, maybe i'm worth saving so yeah i'm having a fuck the world time right not.
I'm just feeling a lot of sadness of years of regret and my last post was like yeah I can do this a blah!blah!. But over all I feel this way. Yeah my death wish is coming back and I'm fighting it and I sleep a lot to not face the world. My room has become a prison and my angel Samantha is MIA. Seems like a journal about her but it's about my life over all. I never expected to be 28 and working as a shitty dishwasher. Fuck I wanted my art carrier up and thriving years ago. I prevented that and jail didn't help and oh! my rape add to the problems. I don't know I'm just letting this all out and maybe there will be something better but right now it's just me in my darkness. I just want this pain to be taken away to be made new as if there was something inside me eating me away, I'm alone in this fight to get better and I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy but this hurts and I've had no ambition but to dwell,cry and forsake the world and I'm getting tired of doing it.. Take care
My Heartstrings Left Undone
My Sound Track Has Now Become Bombing Raid
So this is the train wreck called me Part.2
Running To The Edge Of the World
Having Fun Picking Up The Pieces
Love In From A Fragile Heart
Me Versus Me
My adventures in Blah!
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Why does everything have to be so damned hard?
what I've dealt with so far...
It all came flooding back!