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cinderella"MDJunction to me is a life saver... when i first was diagnosed with Scheuermann's Disease i wrote a message to a page i found on google, hoping that they could help me.... you'd never know it but that weird feeling (you know that one where it feels like someone actually cares) came over me when i opened my email next day to find that someone on the other side of the world (at the American Medical Library)had read my message while i was sleeping, and there low and behold was the address to MDJunction.... well it is everything to me, i live it breathe it and love it!!!!! I have found many people who are struggling with similar issues banding together to help each other. It is the best place in the world, and i couldn't think of another place to go to meet so many lovely people....

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sunshinethewerewolf My daily life of rants,raves,freaking out and and this roller coaster ride called my life. That at times can even surprise me, but this is my life and well welcome to all who read this.


Something For The Pain, Inside Me

Apr 19 2010

I have not been having the greatest of time. My mania is bad and maybe it's hypo mania. I go into phase of being kinda happy to just I don't care, no wonder why Samantha left cause I'm a wreck and now I'm trying to prove to her that I can be a better boyfriend, but how can I when she's in isolation. So I jut wait it out. yeah my relationship problem is only a bit of whats going on with me.

I couldn't stop crying and screaming in front of my friends the other night after the movies. About myself,Samantha and everything in between Maybe it was another break down, but it felt a lot worse this time as if something was being taken away.But I saw the sunshine today, maybe i'm worth saving so yeah i'm having a fuck the world time right not.

I'm just feeling a lot of sadness of years of regret and my last post was like yeah I can do this a blah!blah!. But over all I feel this way. Yeah my death wish is coming back and I'm fighting it and I sleep a lot to not face the world. My room has become a prison and my angel Samantha is MIA. Seems like a journal about her but it's about my life over all. I never expected to be 28 and working as a shitty dishwasher. Fuck I wanted my art carrier up and thriving years ago. I prevented that and jail didn't help and oh! my rape add to the problems. I don't know I'm just letting this all out and maybe there will be something better but right now it's just me in my darkness.  I just want this pain to be taken away to be made new as if there was something inside me eating me away, I'm alone in this fight to get better and I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy but this hurts and I've had no ambition but to dwell,cry and forsake the world and I'm getting tired of doing it..  Take care



Previous diary posts by sunshinethewerewolf:
Comments (3)Add Comment
written by Clarita, April 20, 2010
There are experts out there who can help you- you do not have to go through this alone. First get stability of emotions sorted before attempting any romantic relationship as if you are not in the right place emotionally it will never work out with someone else. You have to be your own best friend first of all.

You have had many heart renching challenges in your life- way beyond anything have ever experiences. Yet, there is always hope in this life for each one of us. Dave Peltzer went through years of abuse from his own mum before he finally escaped, then he had a tough time in the care system and even a spell in jail- read his harrowing story- yet inspite of everything that happened to him in his young life he turned it all around for the better- now he is a motivational speaker( even been on Oprah) who help young people and all kinds of adults to let go of the past, to heal and to embrace the future with both hands.

Rooting for you massively. Will keep you in my prayers, too, for sure.

Nothing is impossible everything is possible today.

Gentle hugs, your friend come rain or shine Clarita
written by LostDoll, April 20, 2010
Whenever I look back on the harsh moments, the challenges I faced I simply tell myself that it all made me the person that I am. We never truly get over anything, we carry both the good times and the bad times we can only accept that hey have happened and that they are not the end of our lives.
Trust me when I tell you that Samantha isnt waiting for you to grow up either, no matter what she has said, what she wants is for you to be there for her, not for yourself but for her, I know this because that is what all people want.
I hope it works out but just remember we are here if it doesnt and we will always be here to help.
written by PopTartsAreGood, April 20, 2010
You are not alone smilies/sad.gif
You have this support system and professionals out there who are willing to help you out, but you have to be accepting and agree to help yourself. I know how you feel when you're so consume with negativity and seem to not find a way out of the dark hole, but I promise you it will get better soon. Even though it doesn't feel like it right now. You can't be so hard on yourself. It's a process in order to get better, it won't happen over night. It takes baby steps. If you really want your art career to get up and running, you should write small little subtle goals on how to do that..and eventually it will build up. Keep fighting, I hope you feel better soon.

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