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"My dad bravely fought cancer and eventually died from it. Lynnie" (lblauser)

MDJunction to me

"When I first came to MDJ, I was in need of peer support in dealing with issues of my childhood abuse. I was moving away from the painful issues and trying to find an uplifting group of people to help me transition to a thriver in my life. I found that here. I also found a group of peers with Fibromyalgia and found the same uplifting experience there. My computer crashed and it was a while before I found my way back, this time with issues related to Parkinson's Disease. I had tried a few other support sites before reminding myself of MDJ. On those, I never got a reply. I finally found my way back here and again found very supportive, caring and inspiring people who made me feel like I was 'back home'. Indeed I am." (ThereseML)

more testimonials

Dasha

just forget everything

today is one of them days where i just don't want to be born at all.everything that has been going on sence january has brought me down to my feet again.i was doing so good,at my job,with my fibro,and my mental health.and now thats it i aint woerse nothing again.i got hurt on the job in january so i havent been working the workinjury triggerd my fibro and the stress of all this triggerd my depression.besides that i have a husband who is putting up with that shit for over two years now and is getting worn out with the job trying to keep food on the table taking care of our four kids and me i am surprised he is still here.today he made a statement that let me know that he needs a break but i don't know how he would get one.the two teenage daughters are helping were they can but on the weekends they want to go places and he doesent understand that.so his answer today was when do i get a break?well i can't answer that question probebly when i am not around anymore but i can not say when i come to the actuall breaking point to get me there.the last time i was i was very close and i mean very close....maybe next time i get it done.

pushing myself

Dec 26 2010

yesterday morning was the first time in a long time that i pushed myself to get out of bed,take a shower and put clothes on instdead sitting around in pj's all day.it my sound like nothing but it was hard for me to do that.i also cleaned up the kitchen which i havent done in a long time.i had to take breaks in between because of my back hurting so bad but i got it done.i still have problems sleeping and i will let my pdoc know about that because i'll be excausted all day because i don't sleep well at night.i talked to my mom yesterday and told her that i would not come back to germany.i love my husband to much and even though what happened between me and my daughter i could not just up and leave her.of course as always she could not understand that i already communicate normal with my daughter again after wwhat she did.but i just can't stay mad with my kids like that.yes it was disrespectfull and yes it hurdet me but beeing in the hospital and having that familie secion i was ok.i've been up sence 4.00 am again and i am so tiered that i hardly can see the letters on the keyboard,but if i go to bed i can't sleep.anyway back to pushing my self the next step i wanna do is to start wearing make up again.it has been ages sence i done that too.today is the last day i have to take depakote i am so excidet.maybe i loose some weight now.i would be so happy.well thats it for today.

Previous diary posts by Sybille1:

very hurtfull desicion
the way i feel right now
last night was awfull..
this is to funny
what's the point ?????

the last couple of days
another woerst day of my life
today
my toughts ????
what is wrong with me?????

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by uppitywoman, December 26, 2010

I am glad you were able to do what you did yesterday. It sounds like it wasn't easy, but you took a step toward feeling better about yourself and that is a big thing, because doing things like that help self image. It also is a step in helping cope with depression. I hope that combining that with cleaning the kitchen you feel good about yourself, if only a little bit, because you should.

written by Joy75, December 26, 2010

Yay, I'm happy you were able to do that yesterday. This is progress. I am sorry about the sleeping thing. I hope you and your doctor will be able to fix this problem. I'm glad you came to the conclusion that you will be staying with your family. You and your daughter working things out is great. I think wearing makeup is an excellent idea. I need to start doing that too. It makes you feel better about yourself actually. Congratulations on coming off the Depakote. I hope you lose some weight like you want to. You are doing great, keep it up!!