Mothers for young children desperately feel the need to be there for them as long as possible. If you mind is at peace, it is certainly worth it, even if your body is not. Many opt to tell their children that they are sick, since the disease and treatment side effects are so visible, but they do not want to distress their children by telling them that they are actually dying. This is more prominent in mothers who are suffering reoccurring and metastatic cancer. But is it really worth the fight? Besides the question of fighting to be alive for yourself, is it really worth it all in order to be there for your family? Do they really need all this?

The effects of treatment on the family of the patient are very heavy. Watching your loved one suffering and feeling unable to help is a very hard burden to bear. There is also the financial burden that increases as time goes by. A worse case scenario might look like this: With treatment after treatment, your misery and that of your family increases. Your financial abilities may be drained and your health plan is no longer willing to pay for more treatment. The cancer may progress despite all the efforts and at point you and your loved ones may become exhausted. Though it is not said in many words, you can feel their hopelessness. As if they are saying "enough".

Your first reaction to such an atmosphere may naturally be anger. You can be angry that there is no longer an appreciation for your presence in the family. Frustration too is a strong feeling, as you do not seam to be able to change your situation and to fight off the cancer. You feel helpless in trying to achieve your last wishes. Depression and despair may also occur. Your family is going through similar feelings. They despair of your healing, are frustrated and angry at the situation and their helplessness and on top of that they feel guilty because they are silently starting to give up! They feel guilty for mentally deserting you in your fight.

Another patient may go through a scenario in which their family expects too much! They push you to try every possible treatment in order to prolong your life. But if you are close to death, you may want to stop treatment, so you can enjoy peace and relief in your last days and to be there also for your family as best you can.  They must respect your needs.

The wish to stop treatment may make you feel guilty because of giving up on their love. They may feel despair and frustration because you are giving up. In an ideal case, you should be able to declare your decision to your family, but sometimes it is advised to engage the help of your doctor or religious council. If the possibility of remission in no longer a reality, you should be able to control your last days of life and adjust your care to the way you want it to be. Your loved ones must respect and assist you in this endeavor. This is a very hard decision to make, because it is a decision to die. The support of your family is crucial.

Although you stop treatment, your doctors may still be involved in your care, with emphasis on relief. You may miss the caring staff and camaraderie of the cancer inpatients when you stop your regular visits for treatment; hence the support of family and friends is critical to a peaceful end of your life. It is advised to arrange some sort of hospice care for a dying cancer patient. This is available in hospices or in your home. Such care strives to raise the quality of dying by relieving pain, enabling psychological support for and your family and you get assistance in daily activities that may become increasingly difficult, such as dressing and bathing, without burdening your family further. Financially, hospice care is also not a long y term commitment, as it is wise to engage such professional caretakers or be admitted o a hospice if your life expectancy is less than 6 months.

The decision to stop treatment is a difficult and desperate one. Whether you choose to fight for life, or you choose to face death, it is advised that you concentrate on living and not on dieing, however the latter may seam prominent. Your attitude is critical to your struggle, and you family must strengthen you in this endeavor. Dr. David Spiegel, author of Living Beyond Limits said: "It's best to face the worst rather than simply to hope for the best. Facing death can intensify living. Rather than denying dying, we confront its inevitability and use that fact to help reorder life priorities, to focus on living better."
You can wake up every morning worrying about death, or you can concentrate every day on celebrating life. How would you rather choose to pass your days? Before you know it, several years may have passed, in which you have lived! Despite all the adversities, you have been enjoying the love of your family and have seen your children grow.